Guess I'm More of a Comedy Girl ...

This week's Entertainment Weekly features their list of the Top 25 Greatest Action Movies of All Time. Here's their top ten picks:

1 - Die Hard
2 - Aliens
3 - Raiders of the Lost Ark
4 - The Road Warrior
5 - The Matrix
6 - Seven Samurai
7 - Gladiator
8 - Saving Private Ryan
9 - Hard-Boiled
10 - Terminator 2: Judgement Day
I donno ... I'm willing to admit that I'm not a real action movie fan. This is a proven fact, given that I've never watched three of their top ten (Seven Samurai, Hard-Boiled, or The Road Warrior). I mean ... common, doesn't Hard-Boiled sound like an adorable computer animated Pixar film about a lil' yellow peeper with self esteem issues? In any case ... keeping that in mind, any opinion I give will have to be taken with a rather large grain of salt.

Die Hard? Yeah ... I'd probably agree that's right up there at the top. But wouldn't you think one of the Star Wars pics would be up there? Or is that considered Sci-Fi and therefore ineligible for action movie status? Would Jurassic Park be considered action? And if so, man that's gotta be in the top five. And where the hell is Pirates?

I love to hear what other real action fans think of EW's list ... because it may just be a matter of taste. And considering I made a point of Tivo'ing Celebrity Fit Club's season finale ... I'll admit mine is pretty bad.

And they say that a hero can save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away

Nickelback - Hero

Same Shit ... Different Day ...

really ... cool ... wow ... cool ... really ...
wow ... cool ... really ... wow ... cool ...
really ... really ... wow ... cool ... wow ...
Eight long hours. Every ... single ... day. For the love of sweet Jesus ... make it stop.

Oh somebody kill me please
Somebody kill me please
I'm on my knees, pretty pretty please
Kill me
I want to die
Put a bullet in my head...

Adam Sandler - Somebody Kill Me Please

Non Sequitur Tuesday ...

I love the smell of our server room. No, I'm not crazy. Well ... I may be crazy but that's a completely unrelated topic.

Have you ever gone to an ice rink or seen a hockey game? Then you know that the rink has a distinct smell when you walk through those double doors. You can actually smell the ice ... smell the cold.

Well, server rooms are kinda similar. No ... there isn't a Zamboni. And sure, that's a negative ... but, then again, there aren't hockey pucks flying towards your head. It's a trade off.

But the one thing that makes the server room the best room in the entire building ... is that it's uber-air conditioned. You walk in and you are instantly chilled. It's wonderful.

I guess I should explain that I have some kind of weird fixation on air conditioning. I don't want to be able to hang meat in my home ... but ... I'd like it to be close. I want to wear sweatshirts 365 days a year. I want to sleep with a quilt tucked around me like a taco. I want to move to Canada.

Now where was I going with this? Oh yeah ... our server room smells nice. It's uber-cold. And it smells cold. And it smells clean. It smells like ... ozone. And it's sublimely quiet ... except for an almost subconscious hum from the machines. I want to move my desk in there.

All my life I had to struggle
I paid some heavy dues
Squeekin out a livin
Playin easy blues
Then one day my music
Made me a millionaire
I bought a big old mansion
With central heated air
Now I got more money
Than I know how to use
Got everything a man could want
But I aint got no blues
Success for me could only lead
To my immediate doom
Cause I cant play the blues
In an air conditioned room

The Blues Brothers - Can't Play The Blues In An Air Conditioned Room

Really ... Wow ... Cool ...

I'm edgy ... I'm tired ... and I can't listen to the bullshit anymore. I spend hours everyday saying, "Really ... wow ... cool ..." over and over and over. Some people just love the sound of their own voice. It's hard not to just interrupt them and calmly explain, "It's called self-editing ... Google it."

My grandmother was like that. I can't tell you how many times we had this conversation:

"Do you watch Days of our Lives?"
"No, Grandma ... I don't watch any of the stories."
"Well, let me tell you ... I don't know what Marlena's going to do about Roman ..."

UGH! It's fine to talk about things I know nothing about ... but why go into excruciating detail? I can't participate ... and I'm forced to return to, "Really ... wow ... cool ..."

It's not as if I'm anti-social. I talk with dozens of people every single day. The girls are great ... my Mom's fun to talk with ...

But some people ... damn.


Well, it's no big sin to stick your two cents in
If you know when to leave it alone
But you went over the line
You couldn't see it was time to go home

Billy Joel - Big Shot

I Thought It Was Supposed To Get Easier ...

I miss my Dad ... and yesterday was hard. Much harder than last year. Isn't that odd? After two years, you would think enough time has passed that it wouldn't have even crossed my mind. But it did. Long before Mom called.

Maybe it's because Father's Day fell so close to the 13th. Maybe it's because I'm feeling guilty that I didn't make every Father's Day special for him. Maybe it's because he never had a chance at making it to Father's Day that year. Who knows.

When he first passed, my head felt foggy ... like I couldn't think about everything because it was just too much. Back then, I kept thinking I needed a day that I could just stay in bed and cry ... all day.

But that never happened. Life goes on. Too much to do. There just wasn't enough free time to devote an entire day to wallowing in my own grief. But that feeling is back today. I wish I could go home ... and go to bed.

Oh, I realize that it's just depression and that it will pass. But it's hard to sit at my desk and keep a bright face on ... when I literally can't concentrate on anything.

And if you want to find me I'll be out in the sandbox
Wondering where the hell all the love has gone.
Playing my guitar and building castles in the sun
And singing fun fun fun

Barenaked Ladies - Brian Wilson

The Last Thing I Would've Expected ...

For those of you feeling anally raped after watching last night's Soprano's episode ... I'll give you one quick thought ... and be back later to flesh it out:

Working hard to get my fill (Phil),
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Journey - From "Don't Stop Believing"
Think it over ... read it again. We'll discuss more later ...

But Paris, You Look So Good In Orange ...

L.A. Superior Court Judge Michael Sauer ordered Paris Hilton to return to the Century Regional Detention Facility in suburban Lynwood, just one day after sheriff's officials released her to house arrest. The judge ruled that Hilton will have to serve the remainder of her 45-day sentence in the jail facility.

Fox News contributor Greta Van Susteren, who sat in the court room just a few feet from Hilton, reported afterward on Hilton's appearance: "She shakes, she twitches, she quivers. She's sick. There's something wrong with her. ... This is a woman who needs some medical attention."

Before you jump on the "Poor Paris" bandwagon, remember ... she's not going to jail for her moving violation.

Her legal woes began last fall when she failed a sobriety test after police saw her weaving down a street in her Mercedes-Benz. She pleaded no contest to reckless driving and was sentenced to 36 months of probation, alcohol education and $1,500 in fines. Did that stop our favorite flake?

Oh no ... in the following months, Paris was pulled over not once ... but twice ... for driving on a suspended license. My only question is this ... if she's that fucking rich, couldn't she afford a driver?

I think SNL said it best when they said ... BUH BYE.

Talk to ya later
Don’t want to hear it again tonight
Talk to ya later
Just save it for another guy
Talk to ya later
Don’t want to hear it again tonight
I’ll just see you around

Tubes - Talk To You Later

Bullshit Justice

You have to fucking kidding me, right? Paris has a medical condition so serious that she had to be "reassigned" from a 96 square foot cell to 4,000 square foot mansion? Here's a tidbit from TMZ:

In a sharply-worded statement from L.A. County Supervisor Don Knabe, he claims that Paris' "reassignment" is a load of crap: "This incident with Paris Hilton is just the most recent that highlights the problems our criminal justice system has with making sure sentences stick, whether it is in a County jail or under electronic monitoring."

And, if that isn't enough, here's the official statement from our least favorite socialite:

"I want to thank the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department and staff of the Century Regional Detention Center for treating me fairly and professionally. I am going to serve the remaining 40 days of my sentence. I have learned a great deal from this ordeal and hope that others have learned from my mistakes."

Oh yes, Paris ... they've learned from your mistakes. They've learned to whine, cry, refuse to eat, and generally act like a baby. They've learned that if you pitch a bit enough fit, then you'll be release from jail ... right? I mean, this hasn't happened because it's Paris Hilton, right? I mean ... if Mary Jo Bob McCoy who hit her husband in the head with a frying pan starts getting a little panicked, we'll release her too, right? Right?

Another criminal is set free
Bullshit Justice
You and I are the ones to pay
Bullshit Justice
Another criminal is set free
Bullshit Justice
Victims are the ones to pay
Bullshit Justice

Sick Of It All - Bullshit Justice

Just Call Me Happy Gilmore ...

Someone close to me yesterday said, "I never know what's going on in your life anymore ... because you never update your blog!" I guess I hadn't realized so much time had passed since my last post. It's been at least three weeks ... and I'm at a loss to produce a good excuse.

I suppose the root of the problem is that we've jumped into the "busy season" at my office. The busy season lasts about a month ... starting slowly in mid-May and building to a fever pitch in mid-June. The good news is this is the one time of the year we can earn overtime. The bad news is that each and every person in this office is worn down to their last nerve ... and it's starting to show.

Yesterday, I had ... what I guess I'd call an "outburst" ... during a meeting. I can't explain it ... because it's so not me. I normally keep any disgruntled tendencies to myself and work it out here instead.

It all starts with a meeting. We were going through a list of around 50 items that needed to be completed. Just to give you an idea of the kind of hell we were in, thirty minutes into the meeting, we were only on item 19. For the record, I don't think we even needed to have a meeting ... since most of us have worked here for years and are perfectly aware of our place in the giant cog of industry.

In any case, we got off topic at some point and everyone started talking about unrelated issues. After about five minute, the group leader spoke up, "I forgot ... does anyone know what number we're on?"

Being the smart ass that I am, I answered "44". At that moment, the heavens opened up, sunshine covered my world ... and he bought it. He skipped to 44 and started reading! Everyone at the table gave an audible sigh of relief ...

Well, not everyone. There's always one person who can't stop themselves from pissing on a parade. Sure enough, one of my co-workers said, "Wait a minute ... you skipped two whole pages!"

This is the point where the train leaves the tracks. In some sort of surreal Adam Sandler moment, I slapped my hands on the table and, before I could stop myself, blurted out, "SHUT UUUUUUUUUUPPPP."

So, in the interest of my mental health ... and the well being of my co-workers ... perhaps I should make a point of blogging more often. It really seems to keep those darker angels at bay ...

He's got to make his own mistakes
And learn to mend the mess he makes
He's old enough to know what's right
But young enough not to choose it
He's noble enough to win the world
But weak enough to lose it
He's a new world man

Rush - New World Man