Too Cold For Ya, Punk?

We're nearing the end of this weekend's snow storm.  Having a dog in this type of weather is like being a guardian of a small furry child with severe head  trauma.   I have been having the same argument with my dog for the past twelve hours.  This has been the conversation in my house:

I'm so glad I'm inside.  It's so warm and comfy.  This pillow is so soft!  Those fucking squirrels don't get pillows like this.  I hate squirrels.  Hey, squirrels.  I wanna go outside.  Can I go outside?  Can I go outside?  Can I go outside?  Can I go outside?  What the fuck is this white stuff?  Who put this here?  This is cold.  Lemme in.  Lemme in.  Lemme in.

Thank God.  It is so warm in here.  This is great.  Hey, why are you washing me?  I'm a tough dog.  Tough dogs don't need washing.  Don't wash my butt!  No one will recognize me!  Dammit!  Now I wanna go outside.  I wanna go outside.  What means freeze to death?  I wanna go outside.  I wanna go outside.  I wanna go outside!!  What in the fuck is this white stuff?!   Seriously, who put this here?  Where are my poops?!  My dog house is cold.  Lemme in.  Lemme in.  Lemme in.

Took you long enough.  So warm.  So comfy.   I like this quilt.  It's like the one in my dog house.  My dog house.  I wanna go check on it.  There could be a squirrel in my dog house!!  I wanna go outside.  Wake up.  I wanna go outside.  I wanna go outside.  Now.  I'm serious.  Let me outside. 

Are you gonna let me outside?  Do you like this rug?  I bet you did.  What about now?  Yay!  We're going outside!  What in the holy fuck is this white stuff?!?!  I see you up there, squirrel!  This white stuff is your fault isn't it?!  I hate you so much!  I wish you would ... hey my paws are cold.  Lemme in.  Lemme in.  Lemme in.

This. For 12 hours.  Over. And. Over. 

Right now he is in his crate.  He has barked himself into exhaustion and all has been quiet on the Northern front for the last sixty minutes.  I'm afraid to go downstairs ... afraid to disturb him.  I think I'll just have some gummy bears, stale caramel corn, and tap water for dinner and call it good.

In the afterlife
You could be headed for the serious strife
Now you make the scene all day
But tomorrow there'll be hell to pay

Squirrel Nut Zippers - Hell