Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Bargaining ...

What would you do to stay alive? How far would you go? Would you take massive amounts of medication? Would you agree to long term hospitalization? Would you consider an organ transplant? How far would you go ... would you wipe out your finances to stay alive?

I believe most people would ... and my dad is no different. He's trying to bargain for his life ... and, watching him struggle, I can't blame him. Nobody wants to believe that they're out of choices. No one wants to think they're going home to die.

The cardiologist has agreed to recommend dad for evaluation by the transplant team at Barnes Hospital in St. Louis. Even the doctor admits this is a long shot at best. Dad smoked for thirty years, he's got liver disease, he's a diabetic, and this morning we learned his kidneys are starting to fail. Considering his age and all those conditions, let's just say he's not the ideal candidate. But he has twelve liters of fluid on his abdomen, his heart function is below ten percent, and he's running out of options.

My mom is devastated. She won't cry in front of dad ... but she walks to the "quiet room" down the hall and falls apart. For thirty five years, I never saw my mom cry ... now there's not a moment that she's not on the verge of breaking down.