Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Easy TV Cheese ...

Easy TV Cheese - Courtesy of Cheddar X

1. Who's your favorite talk show host? - Sorry, guys, I'm not a huge talk show fan. It seems to me that they fall into two categories. First, there's the sleazy "Maury" shows that exist only to exploit the lowest common denominators in our society. Then there's the holier-than-thou "Dr. Phil" type shows that claim to fix people. I won't say which I think is worse ... but ... I can't think of anything more hypocritical than that fat fuck, Dr. Phil, lecturing people on weight issues. "Put down the doughnut lard ass and then maybe ... maybe ... we can discuss my problems."

2. Late night talk show? - I suppose David Letterman ... but it's simply by default. I can't stand The Tonight Show ... Conan O'Brien wears on my last nerve ... and ... who's the other one now? Carson Daley? Chevy Chase? Whatever ... everyone sucks but Letterman.

3. What's your favorite drama? - Personally, I'm an HBO girl. I love the Sopranos, Six Feet Under, and Carnivale. I haven't tried watching Deadwood yet ... but, hey, any show that says fuck 93 times per episode ... I'm on board.

4. Favorite comedy? - I suppose my favorite comedy at the moment is NBC's new series, The Office. It's like they're video taping my co-workers. I swear to God, the next time our secretary calls me with some stupid, asshat question, I'm putting her stapler in Jello. By the way, would you want to form an alliance with me???

5. Least favorite show or genre? - Oh God, that's easy. Wonder Showzen. It's is the most disturbing and repulsive show I've seen in years. Imagine David Lynch directing Sesame Street ... yup, that's Wonder Showzen.

6. Most unlikely show you like? - When I first heard they were remaking Battlestar Galactica, I thought, "Oh great ... just what we need ... another stupid 70's retread." I could not have been more wrong. That show is totally amazing. And yes, I did gasp during the season finale.

7. Most unlikely show you thought you'd like but really hate? - American Dad on Fox. I love Adult Swim and The Family Guy so I thought this show would really kick ass. What an incredibly huge pile of horse shit. This show blows more than Andy Dick at an open bar.

8. Worst reality show? - God, there's so many ... Dog, the Bounty Hunter ... Growing Up Gotti ... that Farrah Fawcett train wreck ... and anything with Paris Hilton is a shoo in ...

9. Best reality show (if it exists)? - Oh yes, my friends, it exists. It's "Showdog Moms and Dads" on Bravo and is the most "real" reality show on television today. It follows the personal lives of five families as they compete in dog shows. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll want to kick Moira square in the ass.

10. Best tv innovation? - Tivo. Have I mentioned how much I love Tivo? Have I mentioned how much Tivo loves you? Have you accepted Tivo as your personal savior?

11. Who's the hottest person on tv (take that as you will, sexiest, most famous, whatever)? - I guarantee my husband will never let me hear the end of this ... but I have to be honest ... Matthew McConaughey. Yes, I know he was arrested for playing bongos while naked and under the influence ... but, quite frankly, I have no problems with any of those facts. Naked ... bongos ... under the influence ... let me check ... yup, I'm still on board. I mean, common ... who doesn't want to do Matthew McConaughey? LESBIANS want to do Matthew McConaughey!

12. Who's got a face for radio? - Hmmm ... that's a hard question ... because honestly, almost everyone on television is somewhat attractive. Can I give you an example? When the show "Average Joe" came out, one of my co-workers was infuriated. She claimed that the show wasn't fair because they only gave the female contestant "ugly" men to choose from. I pointed out that the show was called "AVERAGE Joe" ... because the majority of people in this world, contrary to what television would teach us, are not beautiful! I'm sorry ... they aren't. Look around at your friends or co-workers ... do they look like the cast from Sex in the City? Does your roommate look anything like Rachel on Friends? Fuck NO they don't. Let's be realistic ... unattractive people are the majority in this world and the sooner we realize it, the sooner we can rise up against our attractive oppressors.

13. What major news channel, if any, do you watch? - We probably watch CNN the most. I love Nancy Grace, we occasionally catch Larry King, and my husband loves watching that grumpy old coot, Jack Cafferty in the morning. If we're not watching CNN, it's MSNBC ... but never ... never ... Fox News.

14. Bill O'Reilly. Thoughts? - No thoughts ... just a word ... Falafel. The mental image alone is enough to make you go spontaneously blind, isn't it?

I make my living off the evening news
Just give me something - something I can use
People love it when you lose
Give us dirty laundry

Don Henley - Dirty Laundry

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