Friday, February 05, 2010

The Top Five On Friday ...

Glancing through today's Daily Meme offerings, we find Music Memoirs's The Top Five on Friday ... and this week's theme?

Top 5 Songs You Think It Should Be
Illegal For Anyone to Cover

1) Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin - There should be a law restricting any covering of this song ... not because Led Zeppelin's version is so perfect and sacrosanct that covering it would be an abomination ... but because the original recording has been played so many god forsaken times that at any moment a rift in time and space will open and temporal police will appear and arrest anyone caught playing it. Seriously, people. Put the god damned disk down. No more.

2) Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler - Once again, this should never be covered ... not because Bonnie Tyler created the world's most perfect song ... but because the damned thing should have never been recorded in the first place. It's like rubbing shards of glass into my ear drums whenever I have to hear that possessed zombie voice squeak, "Turn around bright eyes ..." Who ever produced this piece of shit should be taken into a field and have their fingers chewed off by wolverines ... wolverines who sing, "Turn around bright eyes ..."

3) Any Song by Meatloaf - Because, quite frankly, no one has been born since Marvin Lee Aday who can do justice to Paradise by the Dashboard Lights or Two Out of Three Ain't Bad. I know that sounds cliche ... but it's true. His voice has a certain quality that none of the Jonas Brothers or their ilk could hope to achieve. I think Bruce Springsteen could pull it off ... but he has enough of his own "making out in cars" songs, why would he want to cover someone else's?

4) Thriller - Michael Jackson - I suppose I liked this song at one time. Hell everybody liked this song at one point. You just know at some point, Pope John Paul was walking around the Vatican in a red leather jacket making the Cardinals do the zombie dance behind him. In any case, Thriller isn't so great anymore ... I guess it didn't stand up well over time. But it's so iconic that I can't imagine anyone else doing it justice.

5) Hotel California - Eagles - Maybe I'm just a sucker for this song ... but damn, Hotel California has to be one of the best songs ever recorded. The melody is so rich and mellow ... and those guitars. [sigh] Sure, some claim it may be about satanism or smoking weed or a mental asylum ... but hey, nobody is perfect, right? There's no sense in even trying to cover it ... Hotel California is flawless just the way it is.

And now our bodies are oh so close and tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And we're glowing like the the metal on the edge of a knife
Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife
C'mon! Hold on tight!
C'mon! Hold on tight!
Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light

Meatloaf - Paradise by the Dashboard Lights


  1. I'm with you on all of those especially Thriller. That song is Michael's and his alone

  2. Throwing Bonnie Tyler into any category with Led Zeppelin should be illegal.

  3. I wasn't comparing Led Zepplin's work to Bonnie Tyler's work ...

    One piece is a classic that is so well-known and loved that it has been played 1.8 billion times since 1971 ... so much so that there are tribes in Borneo who have no electricity and don't understand the concept of recorded music but have tatoos that say, "It Makes Me Wonder" ...

    ... while I believe I suggested the producer of the other piece should be used as a chew toy for wolverines ...

    You, my friend, are one of those people who are still listening Stairway To Heaven way too much. Put down the bong and go check out a CD called Pretty Hate Machine by Nine Inch Nails and get back to me ...