Thursday, June 27, 2013

You're Right ... I AM Angry ...

It is really really hard to write tonight ... for a whole new reason.  My blog is personal.  It isn't funny or entertaining or commercial.  It's one step above Evernote, really ... basically a public diary.  It's free therapy for the world to see.  As a public diary, I can't really keep people from coming here.  I can block an IP address easily enough.  But between smart phones and personal computers and work computers and iPads, completely blocking a person is a difficult, if not impossible, task.

So let me just put this out there ... with as much civility as I can muster ...

I lost my friend.  I lost my best friend.  I lost this beautiful soul who I've known since I was 14 years old.  We kept each other's secrets and she loved me unconditionally.   I have a lot of regrets in my life ... but you know what I regret most right now?  That I let someone drive a wedge between us.  I could've had TEN MORE YEARS WITH HER.  I should've had ten more years with her.

And you know what?  I don't blame you.  I blame me.  It's my fault.  I'm the one who gave her up.  I got tired of making excuses to people every time you refused to go anywhere.  I got tired of apologizing every time you picked a fight over some imagined slight.  It was easier to give everyone up than to deal with you ... and that's on me.  I'll carry the guilt of that missing time in my heart forever.

I'll take responsibility for those lost years ... but I'm telling you one thing.  If you show your face at either of her services, you and I are going to have words. You didn't want to spend a single minute with her when she was alive ... you sure as fuck better not expect a single minute with her now that she's dead.

You want to offer comfort?  Do this for me ... stay far, far away.  The next two days are going to be hard enough without empty apologies and false sympathy.  I'm not joking ... no more.
Well your therapist says it was all a mistake
A product of the Prozac and your codependent ways
So who's your enabler these days
My give a damn's busted

Jo Dee Messina - My Give a Damn's Busted

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