My Day Was Awesome ... Why Do You Ask?

Dear customer service representative:

I am not paid on commission.  I do not get a bonus for any documents I retrieve.  Conversely, I do not get paid a bonus for every document I do not retrieve.   I am not telling you a document is not available just to screw with you.  I don't enjoy telling you no.  I don't get a sick thrill out of giving you bad news. 

I want to help you.  Trust me on this one.  I want to help if for no other reason than it shuts ... you ... up.

But in this particular case, I can't.  What you want is NOT available.  It doesn't exist.  Demanding doesn't help.  I can stand there and demand they let me withdraw a million dollars out of my checking account ... but they won't do it.  Know why? 

Cause that money doesn't fucking exist. 

Just like your document.

Go home.  Have a drink.  Smoke a joint.  Take a Valium or three.  Whatever ... just unclench. 

Tomorrow's another day, boo.  Things will be better in the morning.

But for the record?  Yeah, no ... that document will still not be there.


You're intruding on what's mine
And you're taking up my time
Don't have the courage inside me
To tell you, "Please let me be"
Communication, a telephonic invasion
I'm planning my escape...

No Doubt - Spiderwebs