Monday, February 23, 2015

The Cookie Correlation ...

I love cookies ... but then, who doesn't love cookies?  Everyone with a pulse loves cookies.  So that should've been our first clue that there was a problem ...

I've been having problems eating for the last week or two.  My stomach just hurts.  It hurts when I eat or when I drink.  Anytime I reach anything near "full," I feel achy and bad.  One night last week, Stoney and I decided to have popcorn ... but after I popped one bag, I gave the bowl to him and passed on any for me.  Just smelling it made me nauseous.

Then came the red flag.  It's Girl Scout Cookie season ... and, even though we're trying to lose weight, you just can't pass up on something that comes around once a year.  So last Thursday, Stoney stood up and said, "I'm getting myself a couple cookies.  Do you want me to get you some?"  I shook my head no.  "How about one cookie?  Wouldn't you like one cookie?"  "No thank you."

Red flag.

I don't turn down cookies ... especially Girl Scout Lemonades.  Cookies are a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy.  So we should've known something was rotten in the state of Denmark.

Friday night, I was getting ready for bed ... and I felt a lump.  It was above my belly button ... to the right an inch or two.  It was hard.   So I went to Stoney and said, "This is going to sound crazy ... but feel this."  The left side of my belly was soft as usual ... but the right side was hard and painful.  He said he could feel it ... and told me to call the doctor.

Well, it was Friday night.  What are you going to do?  I didn't think my life was in danger ... so I waited to call the doctor's office until they opened on Monday morning.  All weekend my stomach hurt ... and by Sunday, when I took a shower, I could look down and see a rise on the right side of my abdomen.

I called my kidney specialist this morning ... who told me to call my primary doctor since they didn't believe a cyst would get that big.  I called my primary doctor ... who told me that even if they could fit me in, I needed to get a CT scan and I needed it quick.  They said, at best, they wouldn't be able to get me scanned for a few days ... and if I could see and feel the lump?  I needed to go to the ER immediately.

I drove over to the emergency room and Stoney met me in the parking lot.  They took blood and did a CT scan ... and then we sat.  We sat for almost six hours.  Now keep in mind that we hadn't had breakfast ... we hadn't had lunch ... and the nurse said I couldn't have food or water ... I couldn't have  anything until the results were back.  So we sat there.  Tired and worried and starving.   We heard the nurse call down to radiology every 20 minutes ... with no positive results.

And so as we sat there, I began to get punch drunk and irrational.  I wanted a chicken sandwich.  I wanted Stoney to go to the cafeteria and smuggle me up a chicken sandwich.  I wanted him to go to the cafeteria, buy a chicken sandwich, put it in his cheeks like a chipmunk, and bring me a chicken sandwich.   I wanted him to sneak down to the cafeteria with me and get me a chicken sandwich.  He said no to all these options ... but did sneak me a couple ice chips just to keep me from attempting a violent coup, which I was threatening if that damned blood pressure cuff went off one more time.

In the end, I have a Supra Umbilical Hernia.  It's not life threatening ... just uncomfortable.  They sent my results to a surgeon ... and I have to call him in a day or two to see what he thinks about the images.  He'll decide if this is something we need to fix immediately ... or if we can wait and see.  I don't want surgery ... however, I can't lie ... the stomach hurting thing is getting old.

We'll see.  At the moment?  I'm just tired.  I came home and took a two hour nap ... and I'm still tired.  The hospital says my kidney function is down to 18% ... although the calculator I use said 20%.  So I don't know if the fatigue is from the low function ... or stress ... or the lack of chicken sandwich.

All of those things are possible ... well, except for the chicken sandwich bit.  On the drive back, Stoney stopped at McDonald's and brought home the ultimate get-well food ... chicken nuggets.   So my chicken craving has been assuaged.   I'm going to snuggle with him while he watches the Sportyball Combine ... I'm going to read my new book ... and I'm going to try to not worry about the future.  It's worked out alright so far.

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