Once Again, I Am Disheartened ...

I am trying not to be disappointed. After all, medical issues are such a deeply personal subject ...

Perhaps Steven Cojocaru disclosed as much as he could. Perhaps it was a giant leap of faith just for him to speak the words "Polycystic Kidney Disease." I just can't relate. PKD is not an STD. Why would you not want to educate as many people as possible about a disease that you share with millions of other people.

For what it's worth, he comes across as a very kind, charming individual. I don't believe he is being malicious or unkind. However, his appearance on Dr. Phil felt more like an attempt to sell his book "Glamor Interrupted" than an opportunity to talk about his experiences with PKD. And that, quite frankly, is disheartening.

For those of us familiar with PKD, Steven's interview leaves a lot to be desired. PKD is a very specific disease. Although everyone's experience is different, it generally progresses slowly. Some people have symptoms such as pain, blood in the urine, high blood pressure, and kidney stones. While some people never know they have it and eventually die of something totally unrelated to PKD.

So ... what was Steven story? He basically said he never went to the doctor, felt fine, and when he finally went he was told he had PKD *and* needed a transplant. What led up to that appointment? Was he in pain? Did he have any symptoms? Did it run in his family? Because PKD is a hereditary condition ... a fact that, sadly, wasn't even discussed.

None of these things were talked about. I was really hoping he would share information about Polycystic Kidney Disease ... it's frustrating to me. Again, don't get me wrong ... medical issues are a very personal, private thing ... and he isn't required to tell the public anything.

There are quite a few people on Dr. Phil's message boards who posted their dissatisfaction with the episode ... one even went so far as to suggest "Cojo" should donate some of the proceeds of his book to PKD research. I wouldn't go that far. His money is his business and I'm sure he has medical bills just like the rest of us ... especially after two transplants. However, if you're going to go on Dr. Phil to share the story of your transplants with the world ... why not talk about the disease?

If you want more information about PKD, please go here. The bottom line is that Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD) affects 600,000 Americans and 12.5 million children and adults, worldwide. There is no treatment or cure ... but there IS hope.

We need an advocate, and as Bob pointed out on a comment earlier, statistically there has to be a celebrity with PKD. Isn't there anyone who is willing to get out there and educate the public about the need for funding and research?

So, what do we do with our lives
We leave only a mark
Will our story shine like a light
Or end in the dark
Give it all or nothing

Tina Turner - We Don't Need Another Hero

Urgent ... Did YOU See The Crows?

First off, I have not lost my mind ...

However, when I went out to light the grill this afternoon to cook dinner, there were hundreds of crows in the trees around our property. The cacophony of noise coming from these enormous birds was amazing. Flocks upon flocks of crows!

I need to know ... has anyone else seen flocks of crows around Springfield? (my ex-husband) thinks I'm nuts. He just suggested that perhaps there were flocks of CATS jumping from tree to tree. Oh wait, now he thinks maybe they were PANDAS. He's gone so far as to change my laptop background to that fucking crow up there!

Please ... please someone tell me they've seen these Alfred Hitchcock refugees in their backyard too.

I'm telling you ... that fucking bird whisperer is to blame ...


Step out the front door like a ghost
Into the fog where no one notices
The contrast of white on white
And in between the moon and you
The angels get a better view
Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right

Counting Crows - Round Here

PKD on Dr. Phil Today ...

If you aren't doing anything today at 3:00, tune in to Dr. Phil:

Steven Cojocaru, known to fans as Cojo, was the go-to fashion guy on the red carpet and lived a life of glitz and glamour. But that changed when he received the worst news of his life –- he was diagnosed with kidney disease and needed a transplant -- not once, but twice. Cojo chronicles his struggles in the book, Glamour, Interrupted: How I Became the Best Dressed Patient in Hollywood, and sits down with Dr. Phil to talk about his tumultuous journey.

I suppose I'm willing to give him one more chance. In the past, Steven has talked about his kidney failure and transplant, but hasn't really talked about the fact that it was brought on by Polycystic Kidney Disease.

Now, naturally I'm biased ... but I believe if you're a public figure and you have something like this, you have a responsibility to go out there and advocate for all the patients that are struggling. If Michael J. Fox can educate the world about Parkinson's ... then Cojo can, at the very least, speak the words "Polycystic Kidney Disease" on national television.

Health issues are a private, personal matter ... but if you're going to go in the public eye and talk about having a transplant ... then why not help the cause? Common, Cojo ... we're counting on you.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

Michael Jackson - Man In the Mirror

I Could NOT Be More Pissed ...

So I get home tonight and, as I walked in the door, the phone was ringing. The caller ID said "unknown caller" ... but I went ahead and picked it up. This is what I heard:

"This is your credit card company. Don't worry! You aren't behind in your payments! We're just calling to let you know this is your second notice in regards to the offer to lower your interest rate. This offer is about to expire. If you are not interested in receiving 6.25% interest on your card, just hang up. If you would like to upgrade your card to our lower interest rate, press one to speak with a live representative."

I pressed one. Not because I was interested ... but because I was concerned. We have one credit card and it is through Mr. ThirtyWhat's employer. They don't do phone solicitations like that. And so my mind instantly begins thinking the worst ... identify theft.

I hold on the line and, within moments, a bright, perky young woman comes on the phone. "Hi! Can I have your first and last name?" Hmmmm .... scam? I tell them my first and last name and she says, "Well, hi there, ThirtyWhat! Are you ready to upgrade your CitiBank card to a lower rate?!" (It wasn't CitiBank ... but I don't remember what the name of the company was or believe me I'd share!)

I said, "Well, I don't have a credit card with you ... and I was wondering why ..." She immediately cut me off with a tone that was now condescending and curt and said, "Well, this call WASN'T for you, was it?" and SHE HUNG UP ON ME.

WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT? If I could remember the name of that company, I would call and assure them that I'll never have a card with them! Anyone else around here get this call today?

She took your credit card out
With a calculatin' grin
Hey dude, I feel sorry for you cuz
I know where you've been
It kind of hurts right here, doesn't it?
Ow!

Slaughter - She Wants More

Hear That Sucking Sound?

It's World of Warcraft pulling me in ... little ... by little ... by little ...

I could bore you for paragraphs on end with descriptions of Warcraft and the day-by-day account of my trial period. But, let's just make short work of it by saying ... I broke down and bought the game.

There are things in the game that have frustrated me, such as ...

a) Dying Is An Art - No, that's not a line in a Tarantino movie ... although it probably could be. In WoW, dying is a frustrating experience that really will cause you to question whether it's worth playing at all. If your character dies in a cave surrounded by monsters, he or she will resurrect ... oh yes ... in a cave surrounded by monsters. This makes it pretty likely that you'll be living in a kind of "Groundhog Day" hell that would make Bill Murray put a gun to his temple.

b) You Can Spot a Thirteen Year Old Boy From A Mile Away ... Even if He's a Level 70 Paladin - Last night I had my first run-in with two griefers who were, in my best guess, pre-teen boys whose parents bought them subscriptions to WoW in the hopes it would either keep them out of their hair ... or ... keep them living in their basements as geeked-out virgins forever. I'm pretty sure the latter will apply. How do I know they're pre-pubescent? No one over 13 would try to "hit on someone" by following them around chanting, "Oh yes, come to Daddy ..." over and over and over. Anyone know where I could get my hand on that WoW plague that came out awhile back?

c) Motion Sickness Is A Bitch - I've known for years that I can't play Doom or Quake or any of the 3D shooters because they give me a wicked case of motion sickness. I'm not sure why I thought WoW would be any different ... but let me assure you, it isn't. Dramamine's Non-Drowsy formula is nice ... so is Bonine's. Taking either will work ... taking nothing doesn't.

The really neat part of WoW is how complex it is. You can have a completely different game experience just by creating a character with a different race or different class. My first character was a gnome rogue ... my new character is a human warlock. Both started in totally unique places and are given different quests and abilities.

And how is my housework standing up to this new hobby? Well, I did manage to get the Christmas tree down last weekend. So ... you know ... I've got that going for me.

So give a little bit
Give a little bit of my life for you
So give a little bit
Give a little bit of your time to me
Now’s the time that we need to share
So send a smile, we’re on our way back home

Supertramp - Give A Little Bit

Nothing's Ever Easy ...

In the interest of full disclosure, I want to share that everyone's World of Warcraft trial experience will not be the same as mine. I wrote yesterday that their streaming client allowed me to play immediately without requiring a huge download. Not so for everyone.

Yesterday afternoon, College One tried to sign up for the trial and was asked to download a 3.5 gig install file. After a little digging, we learned that the streaming client automatically tests your computer. If it decides your computer isn't fast enough, you must download the full trial in order to play.

Hopefully she'll leave a comment on here and share the frustrating tale of install files and updates ... but let's just say that as of 1:00 a.m., she still hadn't been able to log on and actually play the game.

Just a heads up for any of you thinking of giving WOW a try. I'd hate for anyone to think I was being misleading ...

Any tough can fight - few can play
Any fool can fall - few can lay
Any stud can reproduce - few can please
Anyone can pay - few can lease

The Who - It's Hard

Give A Big Hand For ...

... my new band, U.S.S. Stepping Stones. When you've got time, head over to iTunes and check out our first release, "To Learn From This ..."

Sure, we're not as cool of John's band ... but we've got a lot of spunk. Plus, when performing live, we all dress like gnomes.

To make your own band and participate in this way cool meme, check this out.

I'm the lead singer of my band
I get all the girl's to take off their underpants
And the lead singer of my band
My salsa
Makes all the pretty girl's want to dance
My salsa
Look out for my next single, it's called My Salsa

D12 - My Band

WOW Trial - Day Five

Note: Okay, so we're starting these updates on Day Five ... mainly because blogging about WOW never crossed my mind. Shoo suggested the idea ... and it sounded fun.

Day One - Signing up for the trial was easy. No credit card was required. The trial version of the game streams in the background, so there was no massive download required either. World of Warcraft requires broadband ... and Insight's cable Internet service seemed to work fine.

You begin by creating your WOW character. I believe you can have up to ten characters on one account ... but for now I'm sticking with one. She's a gnome rogue ... which, two days later, I've read is the worst possible combination you could create. Oh well, you live you learn.

I find myself in a snowy landscape at a camp with other subscribers and a few NPC (Non-Player Characters). I wandered a bit before seeing the exclamation point over one of the NPC's. Woo hoo! I got my first quest ... retrieve seven wolf pelts.

Apparently the usual "tutorial note" didn't pop up for me ... because I spent the next two hours trying to figure out how to loot a wolf corpse ... I gave up and logged off in frustration.

Day Two - Bingo ... I had looting down. I had the seven pelts ... but I by that time I was completely lost. I could no longer find my "base camp" nor the NPC who gave me the quest. Suggestions to check the map were no help. I was able to find another NPC who told me to go kill 12 wild boars. Sweet!

After killing and looting four boars, I was attacked by a troll of some sort. Not just attacked. I was stalked ... then chased ... then brutally killed. I am a level two ... the troll was a level five. Why it would attack me ... I have no idea. It was a massacre.

In WOW, after you are killed, you become a ghost. You find yourself in a graveyard ... and you're given two choices. You can either search for your corpse ... or go to a healing center. If someone finds your corpse before you do, they can loot it and take all your stuff. You guessed it ... my seven pelts are gone. Again, I gave up and logged out in frustration.

Side note ... housework wasn't suffering yet. I hear 40% of WOW players become addicts ... I can see that. But so far ... so good. I made steak on the grill for dinner.

Day Three - I figure out that yesterday's massacre happened because I wandered into an "advanced" area. Okay then. I finally learned how to navigate the map and found base camp. I killed seven more wolves (much easier now) ... and completed the quest. I was given a pair of gloves ... which ... I could not use because I wasn't strong enough. WTF? Bastard!

The other newbies ... and there were hundreds wandering around who had downloaded the trial just like me ... had killed off all the wild boar. I couldn't complete my quest because of the over-hunting. Is there no WOW Department of Conservation?

So I wandered around ... randomly killing the wolves and bunnies in the "safe" area close to camp. I leveled up ... and decided to go to bed.

Side note ... housework still wasn't suffering. I actually cleaned part of the basement. However, each day I'm sucked in a little more. I made hot dogs for dinner. Hmmm ... maybe things are slipping.

Day Four - The girls came over to spend a few days. They're fun to hang out with ... so I completely blew off WOW. This is a good sign, right? I'm obviously not addicted if I can blow the game off for one night, right? I am aware that dwelling on the fact that I didn't play probably isn't a good sign. I made a roast with carrots and potatoes for dinner. Things are back on track.

Today ... is day five. Let's see where this goes ... more tomorrow ...

It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sides
and said "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"
Three days since the living room
We realized we're both to blame,
but what could we do?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
Cause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry

Barenaked Ladies - One Week

My Geekdom is Complete ...

Long before Christmas, I started looking at new laptops. The back light on my old Toshiba went out ... and I decided to start a search for the perfect replacement.

Well, I found the perfect replacement back in late October. I fell in love with a new Toshiba on sale at Best Buy up in Bloomington ... unfortunately it was out of stock up north and in Springfield. So, disheartened, I agreed to wait until after Christmas and look for the same model after the holidays.

And, like a Frank Capra miracle, the first gift I opened Christmas morning was the laptop I'd been looking at for months.  And what have I done with my new electronic bundle of joy? Have I cured cancer? Have I started exploring human DNA? No. I opened a trial account on "World of Warcraft." Oh yes, I'll admit it. Bizzard's ads got to me. With over 9 million subscribers, they hardly need spend money on marketing but ... it worked. Shatner and Mr. T were cool ... but my favorite was Vern Troyer's advert. Anyhow, I digress ...

True, I am jumping on this bandwagon WAY late. And I had no idea how immense the WOW universe has grown. I went on wiki thinking I'd read up a little on the game. Ha! Read up a little? It's got it's own encyclopedia ... it's expansive. It's like Diablo (which I loved) times a thousand.

In any case ... since it's a trial account, I'm just wandering around checking things out. I'm a gnome, by the way ... so if you play, keep your eyes open for a red-haired gnome who looks completely lost. That'll be me.


Sunlight dances through the leaves
Soft winds stir the sighing trees
Lying in the warm grass
Feel the sun upon your face
Elven songs and endless nights
Sweet wine and soft relaxing lights
Time will never touch you
Here in this enchanted place

Rush - Rivendell

"Anti-Resolutions" Version 4.0

Everyone who knows me knows I don't do the whole "New Year's Resolution" thing. And if you don't know ... here are three links that will enlighten you.

2005 Anti-Resolutions
2006 Anti-Resolutions
2007 Anti-Resolutions
But this year, having lost someone so recently ... it's even more important to me that we focus on the positive.

For those of you out of the loop, Anti-Resolutions are the little things that make life worth living. Look around you ... there are amazing things happening daily that we don't notice because the grind of life weighs us down.

So, with that in mind, here are my 2008 "Anti-Resolutions" ...

Little Things That Make My Life Worth Living
In No Particular Order
1. Getting a text message
2. Doodling during staff meetings
3. The smell of my new Christmas hand lotion (it's Gingerbread!)
4. A good Dilbert cartoon
5. A lemon cherry slushy from Sonic
6. Those days when your hair does exactly what you want it to
7. Wearing sunglasses
8. Driving with the top down on the Miata
9. A new "Butter Cream" scented Yankee Candle
10. Posting to my blog

Those are only a few ... but there are hundreds more ... from taking a hot shower and sleeping on fresh sheets ... to that first bite of popcorn you have at the movie theatre ... to feeling our little dog, Maggie, lick me on the nose when I first get home from work.

Now it's your turn ... make yourself a list of things that make your life worth living. And, if you absolutely have to make a resolution ... resolve to fine one good thing that happens to you every day.


There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment as my last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today

Rent - Another Day

An Open Letter ...

To the asshole that almost hit me this morning ...


This is a direct quote from the official Illinois Rules of the Road book:

"A driver must yield after coming to a complete stop at an intersection where there is a stop sign or flashing red signal. If there is no stop line, stop before the crosswalk. If there is no crosswalk or stop line, stop at a place where all approaching traffic can be seen. Proceed only after stopping and yielding to all pedestrians and other vehicles in the intersection."

Did you catch that last part, you asshat? Let me give it to you again in case you missed it. "Proceed only after stopping and yielding to all pedestrians and other vehicles in the intersection."

What this means is that you cannot ENTER the intersection until I've LEFT the intersection. My car reaching the half way point of an intersection is NOT the green light for you to take off as though you're at Talladega, you stupid SHIT.

Did you notice the conditions this morning? See the white stuff on the ground? It's called snow. The slippery stuff? It's called ice.

Let me further explain ... that small car that you saw me driving doesn't get a lot of traction. Therefore, I can't shoot myself across the intersection as if there's a jet pack strapped to my ass.

I'm sorry, you had to wait the 0.6 seconds extra it took me to cross into my parking lot. I'm also sorry that you nearly t-boned my car and caused me to be a nervous, pissed-off bundle of nerves all morning.

So Happy New Year to you, you reckless bastard ... and slow the fuck down.

Oh, barnyard drivers are found in two classes
Line crowding hogs and speeding jackasses
So remember to slow down today

Nervous Norvus - Transfusion

Rest In Peace

I got the sad news Saturday evening that one of my co-workers passed away. He died from complications from kidney cancer.

We knew he was so very sick. He'd been fighting this for over a year and they'd exhausted every chemotherapy option available. Nothing seemed to help. To say his cancer was aggressive would be an understatement.

But, even knowing these facts, you just don't expect to lose someone so young. He was in his late twenties ... so is his wife. They were just too young to have to go through something like this.

The devastating part is what we learned this morning. Two weeks ago, they found a blood clot ... and the doctors told them that it would be fatal. He knew it was coming ... but didn't know whether it would be two days or two weeks or two months.

So in the end ... his Christmas gift to all of us was to keep this information to himself ... so that we would enjoy our holidays. He and his wife drove out of state to spend Christmas with their families, made the necessary arrangements, and then came back so he could be home at the end.

It's hard on everyone here ... they've cancelled the New Year's Eve Party because ... no one feels like partying. His desk is quiet and his chair is empty. Our office really is like a family ... and our family has gotten a little smaller.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

The Beatles - Blackbird

Merry Christmas, You Old Savings and Loan!

Merry, Merry Christmas, everyone! Wow ... I don't even know where to begin.

For the first time in years ... there's no sign of the annual holiday hangover. Oh sure, there was lots of hard work. In fact, I'm pretty sure I didn't actually sit down at any point between Saturday morning at 7 a.m. to Monday evening at 6 p.m. But even though I was busy, it wasn't that stress-inducing, hectic, last-minute rush.

It may have been that I'd finished the shopping weeks ago ... it may have been that the cards went out with plenty of time to spare ... but no matter, it was such a nice way to spend the holidays.

In fact, let me give you an example ... on Saturday, we went out on the west side to look for a new kitchen table. I know what you're thinking, "Who the HELL goes shopping for a kitchen table on the Saturday before Christmas?" Well, we thought there might find something on sale ... and, like I said ... there just wasn't any rush or stress.

No ... we didn't find a table. Everything had been picked over ... there was almost nothing left. But that's okay. We found a nice table cloth and a couple of place mats to decorate our old table ... and the Christmas train kept right on a'rolling.

The girls were sweet and wonderful. They came over extra early ... and even brought breakfast. Those are the kind of special gifts that money can't buy. Plus they've been patient with the handful of speed bumps that ol' Saint Nick brought along for the ride. For instance, we're having an issue with their memory cards not accepting pictures ... or ... more accurately we're having problems with the digital frames not reading any new pictures they're adding TO the memory cards. It's just one of those annoying technical glitches that shouldn't be too hard to fix ... it just takes time to troubleshoot.

In any case, it was a great Christmas ... mostly because we got to spend it with each other. Here's hoping that your Christmas was as peaceful and special as ours ...


Give thanks for all you've been blessed with
And hold your loved ones tight
For you know the Lord's been good to you
On a snowy Christmas night

Elvis Presley - On A Snowy Christmas Night

It Ain't Christmas Until Somebody's Crying ...

I ... am a little disheartened.

As I told you guys back on December 10th, I've been cutting a lot of sweets and junk out of my daily diet lately ... including, most importantly, soda.

I've been drinking lemonade, bottled watter, and decaffinated iced tea. All of which I've made, with the exception of the water, with Splenda. And, honesty, I think I've done pretty well. In the past month, I've had two sodas ... one with dinner over last weekend Mr. ThirtyWhat's office Christmas party ... and one at lunch yesterday. For the record ... I didn't come close to finishing either.

In any case, today I got an e-mail from an old friend chastizing me for my dietary choices. She tore me up one side and down another. She wrote "Splenda is nothing but a chemist's nightmare ... " and "You've chosen to substitute one demon for another ..." and "You're more toxic now than before!"

{Sigh}

I can't win. Yes, I understand that Splenda, strictly speaking, is not natural. I also understand that, in the long run, I should be trying to eliminate the need for that "sweet taste" all together. But, damn ... I feel like I'm trying.

Maybe I'm wrong? Maybe it's the equivalent of an addict switching to methadone ... trading one addiction for another. I guess I just feel like all the effort I've put into this is for nothing. It's as though since I'm not shopping at Food Fantasies and going 100% organic and natural, then I'm still a failure.

It is not enough to make me want to go buy a Snickers out of the vending machine ... it is enough to make me not want to share the details of my life with certain people. And people wonder why I blog anonymously ...

But all I can do, is all I can do
And I keep on tryin
And all I can be is all I can be
And I keep on tryin
There's always a mountain in front of me
Seems I'm always climbin and fallin and climbin
But I keep on tryin

Trace Adkins - I'm Tryin

Rest In Peace Dan Fogelberg - 2007

Dan Fogelberg, the singer and songwriter whose hits "Leader of the Band" and "Same Old Lang Syne" helped define the soft-rock era, died Sunday at his home in Maine after battling prostate cancer. He was 56.

Fifty-six is way too young to go. I liked Dan Fogelberg's music. Sure, he was known for his soft-rock hits. But he also sang "Times Like These" on the Urban Cowboy soundtrack ... and that kinda rocked ... in a soft way. Plus I really liked "High Country Snows" ... although I suspect I was one of the few. People don't tend to follow when their favorite artists go in a completely new direction.

Rest in peace, Dan ...

Seek inspiration in daily affairs
Now your soul is in trouble
And requires repairs
And the voices you hear at the
Top of the stairs
Are only echoes of unanswered prayers
Echoes of unanswered prayers.

Dan Fogelburg - Heart Hotels

Curiouser and Curiouser ...

The first link on today's SJ-R website is a story about the death of former Sangamon County Jail inmate, Maurice L. Burris and his family's request that an autopsy be performed. They believe his death is suspicious and that he was healthy before being taken into custody.

In addition, Mr. Burris is the third inmate to die recently after being in incarcerated in the Sangamon County Jail. A statistic that Sheriff Neil Williamson has, oddly enough, compared to the stock market. "It spikes and then it’s down and then it’s up again."

The issue is that Sangamon County Coroner Susan Boone said she’s not planning to look into Burris’ death. "Actually, most people don’t know what’s going on with these cases. I don’t feel I’ve shirked my duty in any way. It’s not my job to build civil suits for attorneys.”

Sure, that's shocking ... but you know what's curious?

This morning the comments section of this article was full of people criticizing Susan Boone for not initating an autopsy ... let alone refusing to do one at all.

Now ... the comments have been turned off. They've all disappeared and been replaced by a blurb saying, "The Reader Comments feature is not available on this story. Please choose another story on sj-r.com to comment on today's news."

So now, not only are we not supposed to question the death of a person under the watchful eye of the Sangamon County Jail ... but we're also not supposed to discuss it?

I don't know about you ... but none of this sounds right to me.

Digging in the dirt
To find the places we got hurt
Digging in the dirt
To find the places we got hurt

Peter Gabriel - Digging In The Dirt

Poor Service At Schnucks On Sangamon ...

I am not a raving bitch ... but, damn ... a woman can only take so much. This was how I spent my thirty minute lunch break today:

Actual Conversation Overheard
At Schnucks on Sangamon at 12:00 Noon

Customer:
... and I love your acrylic nails ...

Deli Employee:
You like them? I went to ...
[words words]

Customer:
I do too! I just got mine ...
Oh, by the way, I want three
chicken strips ...
I just got mine
taken off because of ...
[words words words]

Deli Employee:
I just got mine done
for so-and-so's wedding.
[words words words words]
Hey, did you hear about Penny?

Customer:
No ... oh, and I'll also need
some of those potatoes ..."

Deli Employee:
Omigod ... they fired her.
They fired ALL of them.
They just came in and ...
[words words words words words words]

Customer:
NO! Really? I really liked her!
She was my favorite.
Hey, what flavor are those egg rolls?
[words words words words words words words]
At that point, I'd been standing there waiting nearly ten minutes ... so I left. There are too many places to spend my hard earned money at work to listen to co-workers chat as I stand in line behind them wasting away the thirty precious minutes I've been given to eat my lunch.

Open Letter to Schnucks Management
I find it hard to believe that a pricey establishment such as yours has such a large customer base on the North End of Springfield that you can afford to have people permanently write you off because of poor customer service.

Your deli employees are much more interested in avoiding eye contact, hiding behind the rotisserie oven, and chatting with friends to be concerned about whether or not they sell me lunch. That kind of service makes visiting your establishment at noon (or any other time) no longer an option. It's a shame ... because your food is good. Just not good enough to make up for the bad service.

We're going out of business
Shutting down the doors
Everything's on clearance
Closing up the store
Don't act like you don't hear it
Don't act like you don't know
We're going out of business
Everything must go

Babyface - Going Out Of Business

I'm No Clean Freak ... But Common ...

Have you ever stayed at a hotel and used one of those "sanitized" glasses they have in the bathroom next to the ice bucket? You know the ones with the little paper protector "hats" over the tops? If you have, you could've been exposed to anything from e-coli to staph to hepatitis.

Check out this story from the at Fox News 31 in Colorado.
This is the type of undercover news story that turns people into Monk. All I know is next time we travel ... I'm packing my own tableware.

I don't like no nasty car
I don't like nasty food
The only nasty thing I like
Is a nasty groove
Will this one do?
Uh huh, I know ... say...

Janet Jackson - Nasty

Wow, What A Ride ..

Life is not a journey to the grave
With the intention of arriving safely
In a pretty and well-preserved body —
But rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out,
and loudly proclaiming,
‘Wow, what a ride!’
So, after years of abuse ... my body has finally said, "Whoa, back the fuck up." And, quite frankly, it was to be expected. I turned 38 this year ... and, let me tell you ... if your diet hasn't changed since you were 18 ... well, there are bound to be consequences.

A few weeks ago, I went in for my six week checkup with Dr. Downer and, like everything else in life, there was good news and bad news.

The good news is that my kidney function is stable. Amazingly wonderful news considering it slid south the previous two visits. The bad news ... is that my sugar was high. Not catastrophically high ... but definitely high considering the circumstances surrounding the reading (time of day, what I'd eaten, etc.)

Dr. Downer sat down and talked with me ... and gave me three months to get my sugar level down "naturally" ... if it's still high after that, we'll have to take steps.

And with that, my friends, the years of having a Frozen Coke for breakfast passed ... not with a bang, but with a mournful sigh. Tomorrow will be three weeks since I've had a sugar-laden, carbonated beverage. I would like to tell you that it's never even crossed my mind. That ... would be a lie of unimaginable proportions.

I want an ice-cold glass of Coca-Cola like I want my next breath. However ... and this is a big however ... my aversion to the thought of giving myself an insulin shot is stronger than my overwhelming desire to stick my head under a convenience store soda dispenser and push those buttons until the the liquid runs clear or I explode ... whichever comes first.

So, I've made an appointment with a nutritionist ... and, in the meantime, I've cut out sodas, cut out candy, and cut down on sugary fruit juices. After his heart attack, my Dad took insulin ... and, common, if you can avoid that naturally ... why wouldn't you? Having lived through it with him, I realize changing your lifestyle doesn't mean you can't ever have anything sweet ... and a Dr. Pepper every so often won't kill me. Having one everyday ... all day ... not so much a good thing.

As I told my family at Thanksgiving dinner ...

Years ago my doctors took away booze and I said, "Well ... okay."
Years later they took away caffeine and I said, "Well ... okay."
Now it's Coke and all I can think is, "Just kill me now."
But, as my mother-in-law pointed out ... at least I can still gamble.

And the hang overs hurt more then they used to
And corn bread and ice tea
Took the place of pills and ninety-proof
And it seems like none of us do things
Quite like we used to do
And nobody wants to get high on the town
And all my rowdy friends have settled down

Hank Williams, Jr. - All My Rowdy Friends Have Settled Down

Dr. Hill's Leaving Springfield Clinic ...

Aw, Crap! Have you heard? Dr. Hill is leaving Springfield Clinic. We got a notice from his office that said he'll be working for another eye care company in the Springfield area ... but, naturally, it didn't say what company that would be.

Everyone in my family goes to Dr. Hill ... College One ... Idiots Anynomous ... MiniTwin ... Mom ... all my aunts and uncles ... hell, family members of family members that aren't even related to me go to Dr. Hill.

So, I decided to beat the system. Since I haven't had my eyes checked in over three years, I made an appointment for Wednesday the 12th ... squeezing in before he left.

Sure, anyone can check your eyes ... walk into any Walmart in the country and you can have glasses by the end of the day. But Dr. Hill is like family. We've trusted him with everything from easy stuff like the normal yearly check-up before school ... to scarey stuff like the serious eye infection College One developed a couple years ago.

If you use Dr. Hill, be sure to call his office and schedule an appointment before he's gone ... and maybe we can let each other know where he'll be working ... because I know dozens of patients that will happily follow him.


If you walk away walk away
I walk away walk away
I will follow
If you walk away walk away
I walk away walk away
I will follow

U2 - I Will Follow
Update: So, the word on the street is that Dr. Hill will be moving to Vison Care Associates on North Grand. But, for legal purposes ... you didn't hear that from Dr. Hill ... or his nurses ... or ... me.

Wink wink ... nudge nudge.

And The Journey Is Pretty Nice ...

So, I pulled back the curtain around 7:00 last night ... and I was a kid all over again. Seeing that blanket of snow falling down ... the ground all covered in white. Even a relatively crappy neighborhood like mine suddenly looks ... well, it looks alright.

My neighbor's husband and son suprised us by scooping our drive and walk. You have to realize ... this, in itself, is a Christmas miracle. My relationship with his wife has been ... strained ... at best. I'm still scratching my noggin trying to find a way to repay his kindness ...

And with that ... for the moment ... all is right with the world. The house is decorated ... there are gifts under the tree ... and our cards are signed, stamped, and ready to go.

There will always be conflict ... obstacles to overcome. There will always be a dishwasher to empty or a bill to pay ... that's just life. But sometimes you can step back and say, "Wow, this moment is pretty good."

It's not the destination after all ... it's the journey.

Deep inside my heart there's a glow
All of a sudden it's starting to snow

Brian Wilson - On Christmas Day

No Day But Today ...

So, about that Rent review ...

On October 28th, we saw Rent at the Braden Auditorium in Bloomington. It was my first experience with the show ... I had no idea how fun it would be! Then again, I had no idea how sad it would be either. To quote wiki ... Rent tells the story of a group of impoverished young artists and musicians struggling to survive in New York's Alphabet City, under the shadow of AIDS.

Where to start? The acting was great. The songs were amazing! The story? A little dated, quite honestly. Want an example?

Quite a few of the characters have HIV. So, there's a critical plot point in Rent when the group finds out one of the characters has HIV ... because their beepers go off.

It's hard to feel the shock of that moment ... when you consider that no one has used a beeper in ten years. I could see people around us whispering, "What's going on?" The emotion was lost because no one under thirty remembers that some HIV patients used to carry a pager so they could get AZT reminders. For that matter, does anyone under thirty know what AZT is anymore?

Hold on .. I'm afraid it's starting to sound as though I didn't enjoy Rent. That couldn't be further from the truth. It was a fantastic experience. My favorite character was Angel ... and (being careful not to give away any spoilers) the scene when Collins says, "It's over ..." moved me to tears. And Maureen's "Over the Moon?" OMIGOD ... you can ask Mr. Thirtywhat. I walked around the house for days yelling, "MOO WITH ME!"

More importantly, I took something away from the story. Not to sound shmaltzy ... but there's no day but today. Some things are important in life ... some things aren't. You've gotta find what makes you happy ... because life is too short. And those you love can be gone ... just ... like ... that ...

Everything from the music to the set design was fabulous. In fact, I'd love to go again ... and maybe get closer seats next time. But, in the meantime ... the soundtrack is getting a workout on my iPod. And you? If you've never seen Rent, you should take the leap and go. Where else could you go that could make you laugh ... make you cry ... and maybe make you think about what's important in your life ... all in one evening's entertainment?

In our case, the tickers were a wonderful birthday present ...

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today

Rent - Another Day

Confessions Of A Ketchup Blogger ...

Back in October, (my ex-husband) took the family to see "Rent" at the Braden Auditorium in Bloomington for my birthday. I'd always wanted to see it ... and since it was a Broadway touring company ... it seemed like a good bet. And boy, was it. Great show.

In any case, before the curtain came up (or ... non-curtain as you RentHeads might say ...) College One said she wished I would blog about the show ... but I probably wouldn't since I was a "Ketchup Blogger."

Ketchup blogger? What the hell was that supposed to mean?

She explained that a ketchup blogger is one who doesn't blog for weeks on end ... the blorch ... out comes two or three posts a day.

I laughed ... Hah! I am no ketchup blogger! I told her to wait and see ... ... I would blog about Rent ...

Blorch ... [sigh]

Mine is the loneliest of numbers
Now is the loneliest of times
You're 19 days late
But still I sit and wait
Waiting and waiting
Waiting and waiting
Waiting and waiting
Waiting on you

Weezer - Waiting On You

Maybe I'm Just Tired?

What is wrong with me? I'd say that I'm irritable ... but that wouldn't begin to describe it. I'm edgy ... angry ... and nearly everyone is bouncing on my last nerve. I want to snap ... and the next person who comes up and says something asinine or moronic is going to feel my wrath.

Everyone feels like whatever is going on in their life is the most important thing on the planet. I understand that. It's natural. See, I'm a listener ... and so I get drawn into everyone's drama. Anyone who is sad or frustrated or lonely or angry ... they come to me and nine times out of ten, I'm happy to be a shoulder to cry on.

Oh, but not today ...

I am sick and tired of self-centered, narcisisstic people who don't understand that people around them have feelings. I am sick and tired of overbearing, self-important people who think they're better than everyone else ... and want to confide in me how much better they are than everyone else.

And, most of all, I am sick and tired of picking up the pieces after these insensitive asshats hurt other people. Why can't everyone treat each other with respect and kindness? And if you can't do that ... then just shut the fuck up.




Now I don't believe and I never did
That two wrongs make a right.
If the world were filled with the likes of you
Then I'm putting up a fight

REM - Final Straw

It's Fire ... Doesn't Anybody See the Irony In That?

A word of warning. I am just as Catholic as the next guy ... well, not really. I mean, the next guy might be a priest or something, right? In any case ... I loved John Paul and I was sorry to see him go. But ... if I get the above picture in my inbox just one more time, I'm going to start distributing this picture:


To begin with, I don't believe the first photo is authentic ... I believe it's been Photoshopped. But even if it hasn't been doctored, I certainly don't believe it's John Paul waving from beyond the grave.

To be quite frank, my faith would be shaken if it was him. I mean, this isn't a fluffy cloud or dancing waterfall, people ... it's fire. Do you want to believe John Paul is hanging out in a warm, flammable place? I don't ... I want to believe that he did enough good during his days here on Earth that his means of contacting us won't be through burning hot fire.

But if it makes you feel better to believe it's John Paul ... go for it. Whatever makes you happy. Personally, I believe the photo means that the devil is a really big college football fan ... go Redbirds!

People listen attentively
I mean about future calamity
I used to think the idea was obsolete
Until I heard the old man stamping his feet

Squirrel Nut Zippers - Hell

Ain't No Party Like a Scranton Party ...

Scranton, Pennsylvania is set to host the first annual "Office Convention" ... a party celebrating NBC's quirky hit television show. There will be a character lookalike contest, appearances by cast and crew, and an "Office Olympics." My only regret is that I won't be there to see the flying of the paper doves.

Unfortunately, it looks like the main characters (Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer) won't be attending. But, cheer up, Office fans ... it's only a matter of time. Leonard Nemoy didn't attend the first Star Trek Convention either. In ten years, there will be "Office Conventions" across the country and Raine Wilson will make a comfortable living simply by showing up, acting odd, and blurting out classic Dwight phrases like, "I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear."

They have convention passes for every budget ... from the $25 "Intern Pass" to the $50 "Assistant to the Regional Manager Pass" ... all the way up to the $100 "Regional Manager Pass" or the "$250 Corporate Pass." If you shell out the big bucks, you're guaranteed to see:

Leslie David Baker - Stanley
Andy Buckley - David Wallace From Corporate
Brian Baumgartner - Kevin
Creed Bratton - Creed
Kate Flannery - Meredith
Melora Hardin - Jan
Ed Helms - Andy
Mindy Kaling - Kelly
Angela Kinsey - Angela
Paul Lieberstein - Toby
Oscar Nunez - Oscar
Craig Robinson - Darryl From The Warehouse
Bobby Ray Shafer - Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration
Phyllis Smith - Phyllis
Although I'm sure in real life, the actors are both wonderful human beings, I don't think I'd pay to see David Wallace or Bob Vance ... but hanging out with Toby, Kevin, and Creed? Now that would be priceless ...

Be sure to tune into the Today Show on Friday. The festivities begin when Al Roker broadcasts live from the University of Scranton. Wonder if Andy will sing any Abba?

If you change your mind
I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know
Gonna be around
If you've got no place to go
If you're feeling down

Abba - Take A Chance On Me

Every Picture Tells A Story Don't It ...

So, we've been discussing kidney issues on the comments section of a post further down there on the page, and I thought maybe it was time to blog again about PKD. It gives me a chance to spread information about PKD ... plus, it gives other people a chance to comment on their experiences and I really enjoy that.

I have Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD). PKD affects 600,000 Americans and 12.5 million children and adults, worldwide. There is no treatment or cure ... but there is always hope.

PKD affects more people than Down syndrome, cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy and sickle cell anemia combined ... and yet it's practically unknown to the public. The disease produces cysts, both inside and outside the kidneys. These cysts fill with fluid, grow, and multiply ... which, over time, causes the kidney to become enlarged and lose function.

So what's my experience like? I've been told that the earlier you are diagnosed, the worse the course of your disease will be. I suppose that's true. I was diagnosed with it when I was twenty ... although I'd been having symptoms since I was twelve ... and I'm at around 50% function now. Two years ago I was around 60%. I'm being tested again in November ... so, at that point, we'll know if I'm maintaining.

I've been on various types of blood pressure medicines since I was twelve. I'm on two right now ... Cozzar and Lisinopril. They seem to be doing the job pretty well. I've done the kidney stone thing ... and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I've had cysts break. In fact, that's pretty common ... seeing blood in my urine doesn't freak me out anymore. I carry a Darvoset with me at all times in case things get bad. Most days I don't need it ... but sometimes I do.

The hardest part of this experience is that, from the outside, you look healthy. Other than a mid-section that looks bloated due to the enlarged kidneys, there's no telltale sign of the disease. PKD patients may have chronic pain and wounded organs ... but we appear outwardly "normal."

Doctors will tell you that symptoms of PKD are high blood pressure, pain in the back, side or stomach, blood in the urine, kidney stones, frequent urinary tract infections, heart problems or strokes. What they don't tell you is how difficult it is to explain to co-workers why you're achy and tired all the time. They also don't tell you that you're going to get to know your couch and your pharmacist on a first name basis.

So having said all that ... I'm offering up a link. A member of my PKD Group recently posted a link to a PKD research article with photos that give you an idea of what's it's all about.  I'll warn you now, it's not a pretty picture. But I'm sharing it because the photos actually helped me cope. It explained the pain I feel when I bend or twist. In any case, if you're curious ... click here to go to the article ... the pictures are mid-way down the page.

So that's where we're at. If I whine or complain here, please understand that I'm probably having one of my bad days. On the other hand, if I write about unicorns and rainbows and leprechauns ... I've probably taken a Darvoset.


"When humor goes, there goes civilization."
Erma Bombeck - Author, Humorist, and PKD Patient

A Political Pause ...

I'm no Tim Russert. No one will ever mistake me for Chris Matthews ... but since foreign policy is going to play a big role in the next election ... does anyone think Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will take this sort of leader seriously?


If you want someone in the White House wearing a bra ... why not just vote for Hillary? Not passing judgement ... not even my party ... I'm just throwing that out there ...

The crime of good men who can't wrestle with change
Or are too afraid to face this life's misjudged unknowns
You're not hurting anybody else's chances
But you're disfiguring your own

REM - Worst Joke Ever

Starting The Week In Balance ...

This weekend was an odd combination of highs and lows. The lows were pretty low ... but there is balance in the universe ... because the highs seemed up to the challenge.

Friday started off on the wrong foot at an early hour ... a ridiculously early hour. At 3:30 a.m. I woke up with that familiar pain. Unfortunately, experience has shown that the earlier in the day the pain starts, the worse the day's going to be. So, with that in mind, waking up at 3:30 in the morning to a stabbing pain is a poor portent of things to come. My own worst enemy has come to town, Bruce ... go figure.

But there are always solutions ... better living through chemicals, I always say ... and I managed to work a full eight hours on Friday. And maybe that's where karmic balance comes into play ... as hard as it was to work in pain ... I needed something equally positive to bring my world into balance.

The weekend began with an amazing evening with family at Gabatoni's. I always dread going to these things ... which makes no sense because I always have such a good time with my various aunts, uncles, and cousins. I come from a gregarious, boisterous bloodline ... and we spend most of our time together laughing. And, common ... is there a better way to spend an evening than laughing and having fun with people who love you?

The rest of the weekend was blissfully quiet. We watched Ratatouille Saturday afternoon. Note to Pixar: Thousands of squirming rats running out of a kitchen does not induce a warm, fuzzy feeling. [shudder]

But aside from that, there were positive touches here and there over the weekend. An old friend I hadn't heard from in years got in touch with me ... I talked with College One and we'll probably be seeing them on Thanksgiving ... heck, we even got a small refund check from our escrow account. Talk about unexpected blessings.

But in the end ... after looking at the bad and the good, in the balance sheet of life ... I think I'm doing alright.


I'm alright
Don't nobody worry 'bout me
You got to gimme a fight
Why don't you just let me be

Kenny Loggins

Calling All Bartenders ...

As I've shared with everyone before, I have polycystic kidney disease. This means, among other things, that I can't drink alcohol ... and, while I've never been a heavy drinker, I do miss having a social drink now and then.

So, all you amateur bartenders out there ... here is your mission should you choose to accept it: Come up with a recipe for a "Virgin Amaretto Sour".

I absolutely adore Amaretto Sours ... and would love to be able to enjoy the taste ... without the loss of kidney function. Anyone have any suggestions or ideas?

Well, the other night I got invited to a party,
But I stayed home instead.
Just me and my pal Johnny Walker,
And his brothers Black and Red.

George Thorogood - I Drink Alone

I Doubt She Even Remembers It ...

A haiku for an old friend on the east-coast who sent me an e-mail regarding my "harsh" review of Cavemen:

All apologies
But if you enjoyed Cavemen
Put away the bong
Note: This is the third incaration of my haiku. What you see above is the original. I then got an e-mail from someone claiming that "enjoyed" is three syllables (en-joy-ed). So, I edited the post and took the word "but" out of the second line. After further discussion, I'm putting it back. Right or wrong ... "enjoyed" SOUNDS LIKE TWO SYLLABLES. And this whole topic is making my head hurt ... almost as much as when I watched Cavemen.

I Kept Waiting For The Lizard ...

Well, after a week of fall premiers, it was only a matter of time before someone got hurt ... and if it has to be me, then so be it.

I watched about 15 minutes of Cavemen last night on ABC ... and it was bad. How bad? I want to take a spoon and dig out whatever part of my brain is causing me to remember this abomination. I'm willing to tolerate a little drooling ... if it means that I'll forget this abortion of creativity.

I also watched the first 15 minutes of Carpoolers and it was bad. But you know what? After watching Cavemen, Carpoolers deserves an Emmy. Hell, next to Cavemen, Carpoolers might as well have been The Office.

In fact, ABC's entire Tuesday night line-up might as well have been a 22-hour Ken Burns documentary ... because no matter which one you watch, you'll wind up in tears, wandering around the house mumbling, "How could we have let this have happened?"

So I bought a 44 Magnum
It was solid steel cast
And in the blessed name of Elvis
Well I just let it blast
'Til my TV lay in pieces
There at my feet
And they busted me for disturbin'
The almighty peace
Judge said "What you got in your defense son?"
"Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on"

Bruce Springsteen - 57 Channels

Fall Premiers Revisited ...

It's once again fall television premiere season. There's quite a bit I haven't watched ... there are just some shows I never got into. I never watched CSI or Law & Order ... never watched Desperate Housewives ... never watched ER. Which is fine. Well ... except CSI. That's one bandwagon I wish I would've jumped on. I hear good things. But I digress ...

What can I say? I dig water cooler discussions ... and I dig them even more when I can participate. So, in my pursuit of the Hippest Co-worker of the Year Award ... which I will never win using words like "dig" ... I've tried to catch a lot of the new shows.

Dirty Sexy Money - I loved Six Feet Under ... so I'm really getting a kick out of watching Peter Krause playing an attorney hired by a Kennedy-esque clan of eccentric flakes and weirdos. I can't help thinking what an amazing show this would've been if it was shown on HBO instead of ABC.

Chuck - I've said it before and I'll say it again ... this guy is one Red Sox hoodie away from stealing Jimmy Fallon's identity. I mean ... did Jimmy Fallon turn this part down? Did they even bother offering it to him first? Is he sitting in an apartment somewhere going, "You have to be fucking kidding me?" Cause he should be. In any case, the moment Chuck grabs an acoustic guitar and starts singing, I'm cancelling my series recording.

The Big Bang Theory - Hey, I'm as much into geekdom as anyone else ... if not more so. But funny is funny ... and this ain't it. My first clue? Painfully obvious laugh track. It's an immediate sign of bad things to come. Only redeeming aspect? Cool shower curtain. Avoid the show ... get the shower curtain here.

Reaper - Cute ... amusing even. But I liked it better the first time around when it was called "Dead Like Me." What makes it worth watching? Leland Palmer as the Devil. How wicked cool is that?

Moonlight - First off, let me come right out and say it ... I absolutely hate private eye stories. I mean, common. It's 2007. There should be a moratorium on any story involving private investigators. Especially anything that begins with the line, "Like most stories, this one begins with a girl ..." UGH! Having said that ... vampires, in general, are pretty cool ...

Bionic Woman - Ugh ... maybe it was just me ... but that was pretty painful. I was too young to get into the first Bionic Woman back it the 70's ... so maybe I'm missing out on the nostalgia aspect. And once again ... on the doppelganger front ... didn't that blond chick play Starbuck on Battlestar Galactica? Are the network executives trying to screw with my head? Wait? She was Starbuck? How the mighty have fallen ...

If you want to tune into some old favorites or maybe catch a few new ones ... check out the info here or here or here. Oh and Lost ... you remember Lost, right? We'll be waiting until February, 2008 for that one. I guess HBO isn't the only network that likes making their fans wait months ...

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

Tom Petty - The Waiting

Nerd Herd ... How Clever ...

So I'm clearing off the DVR and just now getting around to watching the premiere of NBC's "Chuck" and I've got ONE question ... did they scrape a mole off Jimmy Fallon's back to clone this guy or what? Damn ... it's to the point of being distracting ...

First in my class here at MIT
Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D
M.C. Escher, that's my favorite M.C.
Keep you're 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
My rims never spin, to the contrary
You'll find that they're quite stationary
All of my action figures are cherry
Stephen Hawking's in my library

Weird Al - White & Nerdy
P.S. - The quirky, infectious song featured throughout the entire show is called Cobrastyle and it's by a group called Teddybears & Mad Cobra. I would've quoted the lyrics above ... but ... well, most of the words are near gibberish. Hey ... speaking of geek shows, anybody seen Reaper?

Take Cover When The Siren Sounds ...

My favorite Stephen King short story is 1408. For those of you unfamiliar ... 1408 is in King's 2002 compilation, Everything's Eventual.

The story revolves around Mike Enslin, a talented writer who has found success in a series of cheap books based on haunted locations across America. In spite of these novels, he's a confirmed skeptic. He doesn't believe in supernatural experiences or ghosties or ghoulies. Unfortunately, this attitude places him in even more danger as he finds himself at the Dolphin Hotel in New York ... in room 1408.

I don't know why the story fascinates me ... but I could read it once a week and never tire of it. So, being the movie nut that I am ... I was really looking forward to the John Cusack film ... and last night I got a chance to sit down with a bowl of popcorn and check it out.

It's not bad. It's no Shining ... but it's not bad. There was quite a bit of padding, but I suppose that's to be expected ... it's based on a short story after all. The part about his wife and child? None of that was in the original ... but it didn't distract from the story.

I suppose my only complaint is that it's a little over the top. In King's short story, the room doesn't explode ... it doesn't need to. That inhuman, rasping voice coming through the phone was more than enough to freak me out.

There was no ring in his ear. Instead, a harsh voice simply began speaking. "This is nine! Nine! This is nine! Nine! This is ten! Ten! We have killed your friends! Every friend is now dead! This is six! Six!"

Take a moment and read the original. Someone's posted the entire story here. Read it quick ... I'm not sure who owns the site ... but I am sure they'll get a C&D any minute. And, if you're not busy ... check out the movie too. It's got Samuel Jackson in it ... so you know it's gotta be a little cool.

We've only just begun to live,
White lace and promises
A kiss for luck and we're on our way.
And yes, We've just begun.

The Carpenters - We've Only Just Begun

Every Little Bit Helps ...

One of the most frustrating things about my experience with Dad was the roller coaster aspect of it all. I would tell people, "He's really getting better this time!" only to call 24 hours later and tell them to come say their goodbyes.

So, with that in mind ... I have good news. My uncle is improving. I went up to see him after work last night and he looked a world better. They were able to pull quite a bit of fluid off him ... plus they got the ventilator out and he's breathing on his own again. It's a small step ... but every little bit helps.

He's not out of the woods ... in fact, I'd say he's still ass deep in saplings at this point. There was a massive amount of damage done to his heart and he's very, very weak ... but ... he's alive.

Baby steps, folks ... baby steps.

Is something wrong, she said
Well of course there is
You're still alive, she said

Pearl Jam - Alive

The Repetition Is The Worst

From the moment he was born, my uncle and my dad were polar opposites. My dad was husky ... his brother was bean pole thin. My dad was a disciplined ex-marine ... his brother was a party animal. They were oil and water. I think my Dad felt my uncle was irresponsible ... while I think my uncle felt my Dad was a hard ass. At times they were both right.

Dad died in June of 2005 of congestive heart failure. He was so swollen ... so full of fluid. It was painful to watch him suffer ... and only slightly less painful to let him go.

Yesterday I got the call ... my uncle is Memorial and not doing well. He has an ulcer that has eaten into an artery in his abdomen. He nearly bled to death ... and ended up having a massive heart attack. The damage is severe. He's taking on fluids ... and is in ICU on a ventilator.

I didn't want to go last night. I didn't want to go. I associate everything about Memorial with my Dad ... and to walk those same halls ... go to that same quiet room ... visit that ICU again? I didn't want to cry ... and I didn't want to go.  But I went.  I walked through the doors.  I got in that elevator.  And I went.

My uncle is struggling. He's a ghost of my Dad in that bed. His eyes ... his hands. It's as though someone has put a film over everything ... and it's not my father in that bed ... and it's not my mother crying ... but everything is the same.

My family is small. And I suppose that becomes painfully evident as you watch it grow smaller.

"This is my family.
It's small and it's broken, but it's good.
Yeah, it's good."

Lilo and Stitch

So What Do You Do For Fun?

Is it Springfield ... or is it us? I can't decide if there just isn't much to do around here or if we're just really boring. Everyone at work says the same thing ... they either go out to eat, go to a movie, or go out of town.

Now before you say it ... the Hoogland Center for the Arts is hosting the Route 66 Film Festival this weekend and some sort of concert version of Pirates of Penzance next weekend. I read the Illinois Times and the State Journal-Register's list of current events ... there are things to do now and then. It just seems like everyone's in the same rut.

For instance, one of my co-workers was always talking about how he and his wife went to see this show or that show in St. Louis. So, the other day I told him how impressed I was that they went out and did such fun things. His answer really shocked me.

He explained that they bought season tickets to the Fox Theatre's Broadway Series because they made a conscious decision that they had to start going out and doing something ... and having season tickets meant they either went or wasted the money. They were in such a rut that they were willing to spend hundreds of dollars trying to get out of it.

Another friend at work told me that she and her husband argued because they were going to the same Chinese restaurant they always went to ... and it's not that it wasn't good because it was delicious ... it's just always the same.

Again, maybe it's just us ... and when I say "us" I mean everyone I'm friends with, everyone I work with ... practically everyone I know.

Maybe routine is a gift ... a sign that you're living a good life that's free from want or hunger or drama. I'd hate to think I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth ... especially considering the alternative.

I'm so, I'm so sick of this place
I'm so ready for a change of pace
I'm just looking for a new routine
So she spins her globe and the next thing you know
She's living in Liechtenstein

Founts of Wayne - New Routine

My Newest Guilty Pleasure ...

My god! What's happened to me?

So, about ten days ago, I came down with acute bronchitis. Because of the PKD, my immune system is weak ... and I'm used to getting every little bug and sniffle that comes along. But boy, this one has really kicked my ass. But that's not really unexpected ...

What's unexpected is how much I love the Dr. Phil Show. What the hell is up with that? Oh yeah, I'm sure the prescription cough syrup has a little to do with it ... but still!

I remember a couple years ago when Dr. Phil came out with a weight loss program ... I don't know how many posts I wrote that involved the words "Dr. Phil" and the words "lard ass." I thought he was a money-hungry hypocrite. But that was before I saw Man Camp ...

I don't know. Maybe shows like that make us feel better about ourselves? Maybe it's voyeurism? Maybe it's just the Tussionex ...

Cause yesterday
I turned on the tube
And some bald headed dude
Started telling me what to do
And I swear
I don't need your pills
Just give me some cable
And let me watch Dr. Phil
I need Dr. Phil

Bob Ricci - Dr. Phil

Every Valley Shall Be Exalted ...

I have a dream that one day this nation
will rise up and live out the true meaning
of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident:
that all men are created equal."
A lot of times I feel like I'm out of touch with the world. (my ex-husband) says time and space warp around me. Which isn't an insult ... it's just true. I've read something today that gives me that same out of touch sensation. Have you heard about the "Jena Six"?

In the front yard at a high school in Jena, Louisiana, with a total population of 4,000, there sits a tree. This is "the white tree", where only white students sit during breaks.

In September of 2006, a black student asked 'permission' from the school administration, if he could sit under the tree. They said he could sit anywhere.

The very next day, three nooses, in the schools colors, hung from "the white tree".

Let that sink in. This isn't a storyline from the sixties. This happened in 2006. What struck me most about this story was the fact that there are still places in America where a student feels they need to ask permission to sit under a "white tree." Is it just me or is that surreal?

I was born in 1969 ... but I grew up hearing stories about how there used to be separate drinking fountains and separate diners ... how our fathers and grandfathers had made the world a better place. Apparently not. Thirty years may have passed ... but we all know what those nooses stood for.

CASEPTLA BAILEY: It meant hatred, to the other race. It meant that “We’re going to kill you, you're going to die.” You know, it sent a message: “This is not the place for you to sit. This is not your damn tree. Do not sit here. You know, you ought to remain in your place, know your place and stay in your place. You’re out of your boundaries.”

I guess what shook me most about this story (aside from the fact that our national news sources have practically avoided it like the plague) is that it proves that I have been wrong ... deeply wrong.

See, I work with this amazing woman. She's African-American and was born in Alabama. She's said on many occasions that it's "safer" to live in the deep South because the racism is more overt. "Down home you know where to go and, more importantly, where not to go. You know who doesn't want you around because they'll tell you. People up here are just as racist. They just hide it better."

Although I've never argued with her, in my heart of hearts I've always thought, "It's not like that anymore." And after reading this story, I ask myself ... could I have been more wrong?

A series of incidents followed throughout the fall. In October, a black student was beaten for entering a private all-white party. Later that month, a white student pulled a gun on a group of black students at a gas station, claiming self-defense. The black students wrestled the gun away and reported the incident to police. They were charged with assault and robbery of the gun.

Then, in late November, a white student was allegedly attacked in a school fight. The victim was taken to hospital, released shortly with a concussion, and attended a school function that evening. Six black students, ranging in age from fifteen to seventeen, were charged with attempted second-degree murder and conspiracy to commit murder, on charges related to the beating that leave them facing between twenty and one hundred years in jail.

Thirty years later. I guess one Martin Luther King wasn't enough. Do we need a second? A third? How about a dozen more Martin Luther Kings? How many more before there aren't any "white trees" anymore?

Then outta nowhere you tell me to break
Outta the country and into more country
Past Dyesburg into Ripley
Where the ghost of childhood haunts me
Walk the roads my forefathers walked
Climbed the trees my forefathers hung from
Ask those trees for all their wisdom
They tell me my ears are so young
Go back to from whence you came
My family tree my family name
For some strange reason it had to be
He guided me to Tennessee

Arrested Development - Tennessee

I Knew It Was Too Good To Be True ...

WASHINGTON (AP) - President Bush on Wednesday called to congratulate Barry Bonds, the new home run king, but didn't weigh in on the steroids controversy surrounding the slugger's smashing of the major league record.

"You've always been a great hitter and you broke a great record," Bush told Bonds on the phone, according to White House spokesman Tony Fratto.

God, for one brief, shining moment, I actually admired something he did ... [sigh] oh well, so much for that ...

And I know what you want
And I know what you need
But I'm gonna screw it up
Yeah
Cause I'm an idiot
And I'm your boyfriend, yes I am

Jimmy Fallon - Idiot Boyfriend

OMIGOD - It's The End Of Days ...

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President George W. Bush didn't watch and didn't call, but the White House offered his congratulations for Barry Bonds' record-breaking home run and also used the opportunity to condemn steroid use in sports.

White House spokesman Tony Snow offered no explanation on Wednesday for why Bush, a big baseball fan and former part owner of the Texas Rangers, had made no congratulatory call to the San Francisco Giants slugger.

In the past Bush and other presidents have called champions of major sports events. Bonds' hit in the game against the Washington Nationals broke the home-run record set by Hank Aaron in 1974.

Asked whether the record had been compromised by the steroids controversy, he said, "Right now there's a league-wide investigation going on into steroid use. Questions about Barry Bonds will be answered certainly in the fullness of time."

I'm speechless. George Bush has actually done something I wholeheartedly approve of. Meanwhile, somewhere far, far south of us, a small red demon is strapping on ice skates.

Yeah, but are you gettin' it?
Armageddon it!
Really gettin' it?
Yes, Armageddon it!

Def Leppard - Armageddon It

Do You Know The Way to San ... Er ... Coralville?

So, next week, the twins are headed to Anime Iowa ... and I ... am going to be their driver. Aw, no ... we trust 'em completly. It's not that. It's just that their car is pretty old ... and this way we'll get them to the convention and back in one safe package.

So, has anyone ever been to Coralville or Iowa City before? I've got three days to kill ... can you think of anything cool up there? I hear there's a place called "Old Chicago" that's supposed to have great pizza ... and there's a casino about 30 minutes south. Any other suggestions?

Six and three is nine
Nine and nine is eighteen
Look there brother baby
And see what I've seen
Hidehey
Baby don't you wanna go
Back to that same old place
Sweet home chicago

Blues Brothers - Sweet Home Chicago

And This Little Piggy Went "Yeah, Whatever ..."

Even though it took me six months, I finally took the plunge ... and got my first pedicure today.

Honestly, I was a little disappointed. I mean, every woman I've ever spoken with made it sound like having a pedicure was the closest thing you'd find to heaven here on Earth. And, don't get me wrong, it was nice. But ... not ... amazing, you know?

I don't know what I expected ... but, quite frankly, it was a let down. I suppose anything would be a disappointment if you build it up enough. Citizen Kane, for example, is a pretty decent movie ... but after hearing how it's the most incredible thing put to film year after year after year ... it couldn't possibly live up to my expectations. Rose bud my ass.

But back to the pedicure thing ... maybe I just didn't have a good pedicure-ist? Or maybe I just couldn't relax. It just felt wrong ... sitting there on this Sharper Image ass-massaging throne while a tiny Asian woman softened my heels? I'm not saying I wouldn't do it again ... but it's not something I'd want to add to the monthly budget.

I've got my feet in the clouds
Got my head on the ground
I know that I'm not a square
As long as they're not around

Paul McCartney - Feet In The Clouds

The Holy Grail Of Hot Dogs

OMIGOD ... I ... have found ... it. I have finally got my hands on ...

CHILLI MAN HOTDOG SAUCE!
Try to contain your jealousy. I'm not keeping this valuable information to myself! Schnucks on Sangamon is the source of this delicacy. Go, my friends ... go and make yourself the best coney dog on the planet.

Don't get jealous
Better not up and get over zealous
Watch out now y'all
Come on now fellas
Pass me down the relish

James Taylor - Chili Dog
Update: Once my initial joy in finding the coney dog sauce of the gods wore off, I had time to really look at it ... and I'm confused. If you've ever had Chilli Man Coney Island Hot Dog Sauce before, you'll remember the smallish can it came in. Now that same product is 15 oz. ... the same size as their other chilli products.

I'm sure the new super-sized version is great if you have a large family or are planning some sort of "coney dog party" ... but in normal circumstances, you'd never begin to eat everything in the can at one sitting. In fact, according to the label, a "serving size" is 2 tablespoons ... and there are 14 servings in a can. No big deal, you say? Each two tablespoon serving is 120 calories. Even a mathmatical mental midget like myself can figure out that means there are 1,680 calories in every can.

I donno ... don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to have it back. I just don't who needs that much coney sauce.

Harry Potter and the Fanatical Asshats Who Get On My Last Nerve

The Eleventh Hour just published an interesting post which says, "It seems to me the whole Potter-is-the-devil meme peaked about seven years ago."

Peaked? Probably. Disappeared? Ah, if that were only true. There is still a faction of Christians who believe that the 7th Book of Harry Potter signals the breaking of the 7th Seal.

In an article in the latest Time magazine, Lev Grossman writes, "Now look at Rowling's books. What's missing? If you want to know who dies in Harry Potter, the answer is easy: God."

Lev's issue with Harry isn't magic or perceived sinister overtones. Lev's issue is a complete lack of religion in the Potter series.

Oh, Rowling has had her share of outrage from the religious right, but they've missed the point completely. Rowling isn't a Satanist -- if anything the Satanists should be as offended as the Christians. Harry Potter lives in a world that has been scrubbed clean of any religion or spirituality of any kind. He is surrounded by ghosts, and has even eavesdropped on the afterlife in the basement of the Ministry of Magic, but Harry has no one to pray to, even if he were so inclined, which he isn't.

One of the things that irritates me about the fervently religious is that they want to insert their spirituality into every aspect of life. Every conversation, every debate, every thought involves religion.

Maybe we don't need a chapter about Ron accepting Christ has his personal savior. And maybe, just maybe, we don't need Rowling to write paragraphs on Harry's inner conflicts with faith.

So, as we're mere hours away from the release of The Deathly Hallows, it all boils down to this. Don't listen to Beethoven expecting to hear Linkin Park ... and don't open Harry Potter expecting to read Left Behind.

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

Linkin Park - In The End

I Blame Slytherin ...

I'm a Harry Potter fan. Not a rabid "dress up like one of the three unforgivable curses" kind of fan [wink] ... but I can dig that kind of enthusiasm.

I read today that photographs of the epilogue to the final book have been leaked online. That's really a shame. I've gone out of my way not to read anything about the Deathly Hallows ... because part of the joy of Harry Potter is the suspense of reading it.

Years ago, when the kids were young, someone brought over the first Harry Potter book for the girls to share. Back then there was an outcry over children reading books about witches and magic and such.

So, I decided that one of us should read it too ... just to get an idea of what was in it. And just like that, we were all hooked. I think I've enjoyed every book almost as much as the girls.

It's evolved from a simple child's wish-fulfilment fantasy in the beginning ... to a very intricate and involved plot in the last installment.

I love everything about the series ... but I can wait until Saturday to find out what happens with "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named." I mean, it only seems fair. I've stuck with Harry this long ...


Ho, ho, ho
It's magic, you know
Never believe it's not so
It's magic, you know
Never believe, it's not so

Pilot - It's Magic

Blogger's Block vs. Blogger's Funk

June 20th. That would make this ... almost a month. Gosh, I wish I had something amazing to share. Like ...

"I didn't post on my blog because I won the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes! Or ... "I didn't post on my blog because I was abducted by aliens and taken away to a galaxy inhabited by giant marshmallow peeps the size of Oldsmobiles." But no ... my boring ass just has to admit that I was in a funk and couldn't bring myself to hit that "publish" button. Oh, I've had plenty to say.

Back around the 4th, I practically wrote a novel based on how I should have the God-given right to blow my fingers off while shooting bottle rockets in my back yard.

I also wrote a long missive about this couple in Walmart who must've traveled forward in time from some 1950's-era Soviet block country because they were in awe of every item on the shelf. "RANCH flavored Doritos?" "Wait ... orange juice ... without PULP?" Guess there must be some powerful weed goin' round.

I also wrote a sonnet based on the fact that chocolate-covered PayDay bars are a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy. But ... that's another story.

In any case, I'm back. And I missed you guys ...

I'm back
I'm back in the saddle again
I'm back
I'm back in the saddle again

Aerosmith - Back In the Saddle Again