It happens every fucking time. At the end of every Survivor finale, my husband and I look at each other and say, "Meh ... no more." No matter how many times Mark Burnett trumpets that this time it's different, it's always the same ...
Pretty people sitting on the beach ... getting hungry ... getting bitchy ... running over this obstacle course ... lighting that fire ... getting that flag ... I mean, it's always the same fucking thing!
But nevertheless, my husband called me at work yesterday and said, "I suppose you want to watch Survivor again?" and, of course, I said yes. So, once again, we sat down last night to start another season of CBS's original reality series. Out of all the many things I have to rant about ... there's one thing that really sticks out in my mind ...
Eat a fucking cheeseburger for the love of GOD! What are these people thinking? I mean ... come ON! If you know that you're going to be dropped on an island in the middle of nowhere with no food for 39 days (if you're lucky), wouldn't you try to put on a few extra pounds? Wouldn't you try to prepare yourself with a little extra body weight so that you wouldn't have to be hospitalized directly following the tribal council that boots your happy ass off the island???
Here's a bigger picture of the cast ... look closely. Most of the men are hard bodies with not a single extra ounce of body fat on their frames ... and most of the women are obviously viewing Survivor as a month-long audition for a bright future in informercials or porn.
And then there's Angie ... God, how I love Angie. No, she's not a blonde-haired California beach goddess like Jennifer ... nor is she a brunette, tanned swimsuit model like Stephenie (Note To Self: Remember to rant on alternative spellings on a later post ...)
No ... Angie's a unique individual. Well ... no more unique than the thousands who flocked to Lalapalooza years ago or to the Slinging Ink Expo next weekend. But, she is unique when compared to the usual Survivor meat bags. Sure we had Lex ... but did Lex display an impressive butterfly tat across his breasts while wearing a half-cup bra? I think not.
I know we've only seen the first episode ... and while, at the moment, I think Coby is a mean-spirited, manipulative ass ... things change fast in the world of reality television. The sad truth is that the person who you think might be a bright, shining light in a sea of asshats frequently turns out to be the darkest soul of the bunch.
We are all part of the same compost heap.
Tyler Durden, Fight Club
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