Friday, April 01, 2005

April Fools Friday Fiver


1. Tell us a clean, family-friendly joke: - This is the best cow joke ever. There was a herd of cattle all standing on a hill when an earthquake struck. All of the cows fell down, but the bull remained standing. The farmer noticing this went out and asked the bull, "Why didn't you fall down like the rest of the herd. The bull replied, "We bulls wobble, but we don't fall down."

2. Do you take part in April Fool's Day antics? - Not willingly. I really don't get into the whole pranking thing. I'm not offended or bothered by it ... I just don't usually have the time or inclination to sit and actually think about how to "get" someone.

3. Tell us about the last prank you pulled: I don't usually pull pranks. I do stupid stuff sometimes ... like hide the remote on my husband ... or separate the blankets on the bed when he's not looking (don't ask) ... but I don't usually pull pranks.

Edit: Okay, I did participating in a prank once. OMIGOD ... it was the funniest thing ever. It wasn't my idea ... but I did take part and I laughed until I cried. Here goes: I have this co-worker who is such a snob. Let's just say she's thinks she's a glass of champagne in an office of Billy Beers. So, we got this enormous plastic bucket and filled it with packing peanuts ... we then took fishing wire and suspended it above her desk from a water pipe ... and rigged it up to the legs of her chair. She came in that morning ... pulled her chair out ... and bushels of packing peanuts came raining down on that little shrunken apple head of hers! OMIGOD ... I'm laughing just thinking about it. The best part? I got a picture of it with my digital camera ... as the peanuts were coming down ... it looked like a Chicago blizzard! LOL

4. When is the last time you were fooled? - A couple years ago, our eldest got me good ... and, for all of you reading this, feel free to pass this on to some other poor, unsuspecting schmuck. With the kitchen faucet off, she put a pony tail holder (you know, one of those thin, elastic multi-colored bands) around the sprayer nozzle. See, the band holds in the button on the side ... so, the next person to turn on the kitchen sink has water sprayed all over them ... and, in my case, she directed it up somewhat ... so I got a face full of water! haha :) I've gotta admit ... it was inspired.

5. Tell us the dirtiest, most crude joke you know: - Are you sure you want this? Okay ... you asked for it. It's probably not the dirtiest or crudest I've ever heard ... but it is my favorite!

Little Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher was going through the alphabet. Unfortunately, Little Johnny had a terrible habit of cursing ... and his teacher was trying to avoid calling on him. "Alright class, can anyone tell me something that beings with the letter A?" Johnny is waving his hand trying to get her attention. She suspects, of course, that he'll say ass ... so she picks another child. "Can anyone name something that starts with the letter B?" and again, Johnny goes wild. She naturally assumes he'll say bitch ... so she picks another child.

And so it goes down the alphabet, with her thinking of a curse word for nearly every letter in the alphabet. She finally comes to the letter R ... and can't think of a single offensive word that Little Johnny could possibly say. And so, when she asks, "Can anyone think of anything that begins with the letter R?" and he desperately waves his hand ... and she finally chooses him. Johnny sighs with relief ... and proudly says ...

"RATS ... big FUCKING RATS ... with DICKS THIS LONG!"

That's a wrap, people ... have a great weekend!

Cause baby we'll be
At the drive-in
In the old man's Ford
Behind them bushes
Till I'm screamin' for more
Down the basement
Lock the cellar door
And baby
Talk dirty to me

Poison - Talk Dirty To Me

4 comments:

  1. I don't get your cow joke :(

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  2. Do you remember a toy in the 80's called "weebles"? The selling point of weebles was that they were round on the bottom ... so the tag line was, "Weebles wobble but they won't fall down!" ... thus ... the bull said, "We bulls WOBBLE but we don't fall down ..."

    It's really funny if you've ever owned a weeble ... in fact ... nevermind ... :(

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  3. hahahaha ok...now I get it.

    sowwie - I'm just a youngin'

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  4. No biggie ... I figured you hadn't played with weebles ... which would lead me to believe that you were either a) young or b) incredibly wealthy with no need to play with little round mutant pseudo-humans.

    I, myself, loved PlaySkool's "Little People" line ... I had the house, the A-Frame, the School, the Boathouse, and the circus ... I'm telling you, my little people had the bling going on.

    However, my best friend, Steven, from two doors down, had Weebles. At the time, I was jealous ... because he had the weeble treehouse ... and I felt incredibly cheated.

    Looking back on it now, I realize that I wasn't cheated at all ... his mother was just incredibly anal retentative, amazingly overbearing, and fully believed her precious child would choke on anything other than fat egg-shaped toys.

    And so concludes ThirtyWhat's psychoanalysis for today ... join us tommorrow where I'll discuss my brother and the issue of frozen, Banquet chicken.

    ReplyDelete