Monday, November 21, 2005

What Could Possibly Come Next?

Have you heard of turducken? You haven't? Cool. Let me enlighten you. Turducken is ... a whole de-boned chicken stuffed with dressing rolled up and stuffed inside ... a whole de-boned duck stuffed with dressing rolled up and stuffed inside ... a whole de-boned turkey stuffed with dressing.

Yes, folks ... I'm talking about a chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey ... with layers of dressing in between. Seriously. I could not make this shit up.

Apparently frying turkeys isn't edgy or decadent enough anymore. Somebody grew bored of dipping a 20 pound carcass into a vat of boiling oil and discovered a whole new way of advancing their atherosclerosis. The solution? Stuffing one animal into another animal into another animal.

This isn't some far-out fantasy ... turducken has gone mainstream. Paula Deen featured it on a Thanksgiving special this weekend. I love Paula Deen and she gave a great presentation ... although to be fair, she left out the de-boning part which I've been told is similar to a movie scene involving Joe Peschi, a baseball bat, and a lot of blood.

Keep in mind that a single serving of turducken has 1,639 calories, 107.2 grams of total fat, 577 miligrams of cholesterol, 539 miligrams of sodium and 156.9 grams of protein. Is this healthy? Of course not ... which is what makes my sick need to try it so very, very wrong.

So will I turducken this year? Hell, no. I'm unhealthy enough without eating something that could very possibly make my heart explode inside my ribcage. The closest I've come to this type of concoction is taking a french fry and wrapping it around one of those big ol' Long John Silvers crunchies then taking some ranch dressing and ... er ... perhaps I've shared too much.

If you've had turducken and want to share the experience with us, leave a comment. I'd love to hear from someone whose actually tasted this. Isn't duck greasy? Does it taste oily? How much meat can you possibly eat? Did the defibrulator hurt when they shocked you back?

My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when I fall down
I've got more chins than chinatown

Weird Al Yankovic - Fat

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