Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Could I Buy A Hat, Too?

[sigh] I don't want to seem bitchy here ... although I'm not sure why because it's obviously never been an issue with me before.

Have you heard about this? The basic story involves Dustin Diamond. Oh yes, you remember him. He's Screech from the morning star of sitcom syndication hell, Saved By The Bell. He's a stand up comic who apparently isn't making enough scratch from his trade to pay the bills ... primarily his mortgage.

What would you guess is his answer to this dilemma? Taking more gigs? Returning to acting? Getting a second job??? No ... nothing as plebian as that.

Mr. Diamond would like us to all buy a t-shirt from him for $15 ... because if he can get 30,000 boobs to do this, he'll raise $250,000, own his house outright, and no longer be in danger of foreclosure.

My god ... my head is throbbing just thinking about this. Is this some kind of a sick joke? Dustin ... dude ... you seriously expect people to do this?

Um ... perhaps with the money you spent having 30,000 shirts made ... you could've paid on your house note? I mean, I don't know what kinda deal you got for buying in bulk ... I'm not in retail but they must've offered you a discount for every shirt over 10,000, right? But still ... this kind of capital outlay surely would've bought a few months of space between you and the Salvation Army Shelter, no?

Everyone I know has gone through tough times. Years ago when I was single and starting out on my own, there were times when my Mom would take me shopping for groceries ... not only because she was kind hearted ... but perhaps because she was a little tired of me eating at her house all the time.

I hope it's not just that I'm a heartless bitch, I just don't see this as a fair exchange. I'd like to have my home paid off too ... but you don't see me passing the hat.

Best of luck to you, Mr. Diamond. I feel for you ... sounds like this Giraldo guy is real dick. And you're not the first child star to have to join the "real" world just like the rest of us. That's got to suck hard.

I'd never wish ill on anyone ... however, there's about as much chance of me helping to pay off someone else's home as there is of my ass sprouting wings and flapping up to Wisconsin.

You got to be kidding putting prices on yourself
You got to be kidding telling me there's no one else
You got to be putting me on you got to be stringing me along
You got to be kidding anyway to feel you belong, yeah

Graham Parker - You've Got To Be Kidding Me

Update: Apparently people fall into two categories: heartless bitches like me ... and chumps. There are, suprisingly, a lot of chumps in this world. However, I'm not alone ... check out www.ScrewScreech.com for another take on why we should keep our money in our wallets. You go, Ryan.