Friday, July 21, 2006

It's All Sizzle ...

I want to be the Mac guy. I desperately want to be the Mac guy. I mean, who doesn't? He's casual ... hip ... just look at the blue hoodie. Who doesn't want that blue hoodie? But reality is harsh, my friends, and I can't lie to myself. The sad truth is no this ... no matter how much I strive to be the Mac guy ... I'm the PC guy.

Sure, I've got an iPod ... I'm way into graphics ... we've got the setup to capture and edit video ... hell, I wear a t-shirt and jeans to work every day. On paper ... I'm the Mac guy. But those things don't make me the Mac guy. It's not just a set of applications or an operating system ... it's a philosophy ... a way of life.

See ... that's what the advertising department at Apple wants you to believe. It's an amazing ad campaign. I just love shiney things ... and the first time I saw the commercial, I literally wanted to go out that night and buy a Mac computer. How insane is that? Sometime it's blatantly obvious and other times it's subtle. But either way, the effects of marketing are everywhere.

I'd just gotten into the car yesterday and was driving across town after work. It was sweltering hot outside. The air conditioning hadn't cooled off yet so it was stupid hot inside too. And as I'm driving I see a sign: "Treat Yourself To A Polar Pop!"

Whoa ... Polar Pop! Could anything sound better? I couldn't stop imagining a frosty, ice-cold soda as the sweat ran down my neck. With the will power of a Tibetan monk, I somehow managed not to turn into the convenience store. But just a few blocks later I saw, "Stop In For A Bold Breeze!" Jesus ... it's insidious.

So I decided I needed to write a post ... so that the next time I see an advertisement for McDonalds, Nike, or Budwiser, I'll remember the way things really work:

That hamburger is not going to make you
jump up and scream, "I'm lovin it!"

That shoe is not going to make you
run, jump, or play like Jordan.

That beer is definitely not going to make you
any more witty, suave, or intelligent.

And the saddest one of all ...

That computer is not going to make you
any cooler than you already are.

Damn commercials on my plasma screen
It's such a pain, so I complain
While drinking my caffeine
My Nike shoes are on my feet
I'm going out to get some McDonald's to eat
Don't know what my brain is for
I used to, but I don't no more
I am a consumer whore
I am a consumer whore

Lemon Demon - Consumer Whore


  1. Don't buy a Mac to be cool; buy a Mac to get a computer that works.

  2. “That beer is definitely not going to make you
    any more witty, suave, or intelligent.”

    Are you sure about this? Do you have research to back it up? Because, if true, the disrupts my entire world view.

    The Eleventh Hour

  3. When I drank ... which is way back in the day ... I didn't drink beer. I thought it tasted vile ... it makes me shudder just thinking about it. I had no problem with mixed drinks though ... and margaritas were my vice.

    So ... to be fair ... I probably should've written:

    ... "That Butterscotch Schnapps is definately not going to make you any more witty, sauve, or intelligent."

    Because ... you know, I'd hate ti disrupt anyone's world view. :)