Tuesday, November 21, 2006

If I Killed O.J.

Okay, I'm not saying I would kill O.J. ... but if I did I'm just saying these are some of the ways it could be done:

Run him over with a white Ford Bronco

Hit him repeatedly with a pair of size 12 Bruno Magli shoes

Dip him in honey and bury him up to his neck in a nest of fire ants

Choke him with a bloody leather glove

Bludgeon him with a golf club

Send zombie Johnnie Cochran after him

Pay Kato Kaelin to whack him ... you know he needs the money

Force him to run through an airport ... for days ... until he collapses

Wrap him in meat and send a pack of ferocious Akitas after him

Usher him into a waiting limousine and drive it off a cliff

And finally ...

Make a bonfire out of the millions of books of his that will never be sold ... and burn him at the stake

Again ... I'd never actually do this. But, if any publishers out there want to give us a 3.5 million dollar book deal, I'm pretty sure we bloggers could come up with a pretty amazing story ...

Yeah they threw him in jail
And they brought him to trial
With a hired 'million dollar attorney
Told so many lies
I almost went blind
If he didn't do it who did
If he didn't do it who did

Mojo Nixon - Orenthal James (Was A Mighty Bad Man)


  1. College One12:41 PM

    I was always a fan of papercutting to death... then burying in salt.

    Did you know that alligators don't like the taste of human flesh? They'll spit it back out. However, they go after pork like kids in a fat camp go after a Big Mac. So... don't rely on alligators to cover evidence, stuff the person in a pig. Ah... the things that television teach you....

    College One

  2. Anonymous12:46 PM

    It was proven in court that OJ was framed. That fact is ignored by the media, the civil jury and 99 out of 100 sheep who'll believe anything they hear on the boob tube.

    We live in a world of pure political correctness, or to be more accurate, bullshit.

  3. That's a good one, anonymous ... it was proven in a civil court that O.J. was guilty. That's why there's a $35 million dollar lien against anything he earns for the REST of his LIFE.

    That money (should he ever be man enough to pay up) would go to the family of Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ronald Goldman ... the two families who lost their loved ones. So let's ask them how much bullshit there is in the world, okay?

  4. Anonymous1:56 PM

    We want to establish that "wife abuse leads to murder" and OJ was the designated poster boy for the theory.

    When he was proven framed the theory evaporates, so we simply ignore the facts and pretend he's guilty anyway. It works beautifully.

    Thirtywhat, you're a PC fanatic pretending to be smart. Why don't you shut up?

  5. Why don't I shut up? Hmmm ... interesting question. Here's a better one.

    Why don't you, anonymous, start your own blog? Since you're obviously very opinionated, put your money where your mouth is and start publishing your own thoughts and opinions ... instead of criticizing everyone else's.

    I know I, and the rest of the local blogging scene, would love to read your site ... and respond to your posts, as you have responded to ours.

    Best wishes ... peace out.

  6. Randy3:33 PM

    Ouch! Haven't seen this kind of controvery since, well, I don't know.

    Everybody knows OJ did it. And if I was framed I would not suggest writing a book about the crime I was framed for on "how I would have done it". Does not sound like an innocent man.

  7. Anonymous,

    You're so brave behind your anonymity.

    You're trolling, and rudeness are very sad indeed.

    When you learn how to form coherent sentences, and paragraphs, why don't you start your own blog, and let us know where it is - so we can get a good laugh.


  8. Anonymous7:59 AM

    Jeromeprophet, First of all, my sentences are at least
    as coherent as yours. My thought processes are many times so.

    Just for the hell of it, I'll recommend Forces International to you too, but I predict you'll ignore the advice. Making a power trip out of stupidity is
    too much fun for you.

    I don't want to get in a pissing match with the likes of you. If you'll deign to educate yourself, I'll be happy to give you my email.

  9. Anonymous8:44 AM

    Thirtywhat, thanks for the back sass. I find it quite amusing.

    Yes, I'm opinionated, sort of like you. I like to think said opinions are based on fact and not on the deceit of the mass media as are yours. Why do you waste your blog on a regurgitation of the evening news? We hear it fifty times a day as it is.

  10. Anonymous7:12 AM

    When the OJ story broke back in '94 I asked 9 smart people --seven lawyers and two doctors-- if they thought he was guilty. All were absolutely certain that he was, without hearing a word of evidence.

    After it turned out the murder gloves didn't fit him,
    I asked again, and they were still certain.

    Nuff said.

  11. Randy9:16 AM

    You are just mean! Its one thing to express your opinon, no matter how different it is, but another to put someone down because they disagree with you. That is just hateful and hurtful. You don't realize how words can hurt. I would ask "how do you sleep at night?" but I already know. You actions have displayed that you have no conscience and a cold heart.

  12. Anonymous9:57 AM

    To Randy from one of the "anonymous"

    Your type is called "passive aggressive", I believe.
    I hope that you don't consider that observation to be "just mean".

  13. Randy1:16 PM

    Passive-aggressive behaviour refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to authoritative instructions in interpersonal or occupational situations. It can manifest itself as resentment, stubbornness, procrastination, sullenness, or intentional failure at doing requested tasks.

    So with that said, I have a hard time seeing how that applies to me, seeing that I am only stating the obvious fact that some people should express there opinion without trying to cut others down with words.

    If by standing up to bullies like you makes me a passive aggresive, then I guess you just gave me a compliment. And I don't think your are mean at all for saying so.

    And for someone who doesn't like this blog, You sure do visit it a lot.

    In fact, I bet you come back to this post and leave another comment because you love this blog so much and you can't resist it...

  14. Anonymous3:06 PM

    Yes, Randy,I'm gonna be mean and return to this blog just to tell you off. It's fun.

    I don't know what dictionary you got your definition of "passive aggressive" from, but my definition
    is somebody who says disagreeing with them is mean.

    I hope I don't make you cry.

    I'll stop returning to this blog when the author tells me to. It's not yours. Why don't you start one so I can ignore it.

  15. Is that all it takes? Then anonymous, I am asking you nicely to stop posting comments to my blog.

    Everyone has their own opinion ... and that's fantastic. But when one person is consistantly picking fights with everyone else who visits, then we've got a problem.

    So, here's the choice that we're left with:

    So, anonymous, you can play nice ... or if that's not possible, then I'll just turn on comment moderation and start filtering everything that hits the comment space.

    I don't want to do that ... trust me. I'm the laziest blogger in Central Illinois and the last thing I want to do is babysit the comments page. Epsecially considering I don't even get that many "normal" comments on a typical day ... let alone "problem" ones.

    But, you know ... I like our local blogging community. When we disagree, we still treat each other with respect ... and I'll do everything in my power to keep it that way.

    So, this either ends ... or the editing/moderation begins now. I'm hoping you'll bow out gracefully and this can go back to the quiet, peaceful, generally un-read blog that it always was.

    Peace, everyone -

  16. Anonymous4:25 PM

    Thirtywhat, you have spoken. I will not post to or visit your blog again.

    I hope your "blogging community"can enjoy sitting around agreeing with each other. But I don't understand why, if that's what you want, you don't use emails. I thought the purpose of a blog is heated discussion and even a little cussing out as

    But since you don't care what I think, I'll stop right here. Goodbye forever.

  17. Since anonymous won't be reading my blog again, he probably won't see this ... BUT ... I'm going to say this for anyone who needs to hear it ... specifically anonymous:

    I do not care if people disagree. I do not care if people having opposing opinions or beliefs ... as I've said before, I think it's important to hear ALL sides to every story.

    However, when someone becomes hostile and begins posting comments like, "Why don't you shut up?" ... or when a poster starts making personal attacks that question other people's intelligence ... then I'm gonna step in and stop it.

    That's not fun ... that's a flame war. It's not constructive ... and it's a waste of everyone's valuable time.

    And that, Forrest Gump ... is all I have to say about that.

  18. Anonymous3:32 PM

    I just have one comment about the entire OJ Simpson thing:

    If he was innocent, then why was he running away from the police, causing a huge car chase across LA?

    Oh wait...anonymous left...darn. Now I won't get my question answered. Oh well...

    ~The Youngest College One

  19. Idiot's Anonymous1:35 AM

    Hey Youngest College One! I have the answer!

    It's because OBVIOUSLY the person who framed him put a bomb in his car, and if the car's speed falls underneith 55mph, then he'd blow up. He called the cops on his moble phone to see if they could figure out how to detonate it.

    The bomb was removed from the car by Keanu Reeves dressed as James Bond, and then eaten by Chuck Norris, who then roundhouse-kicked the framer into next Tuesday. And since there is ALWAYS gonna be a "next tuesday," the framer was never seen again...

    Hope that straigtned that out for you! :)

    ~Idiot's Anonymous

  20. Anonymous is a brave step forward in posting blogs. Kind of how O.J. hid behind the truth. The only thing that was proven in court is that the jury was enamored with his celebrity and that the prosecution didn't step up to the plate and do their job 100%+.