Monday, June 18, 2007

I Thought It Was Supposed To Get Easier ...

I miss my Dad ... and yesterday was hard. Much harder than last year. Isn't that odd? After two years, you would think enough time has passed that it wouldn't have even crossed my mind. But it did. Long before Mom called.

Maybe it's because Father's Day fell so close to the 13th. Maybe it's because I'm feeling guilty that I didn't make every Father's Day special for him. Maybe it's because he never had a chance at making it to Father's Day that year. Who knows.

When he first passed, my head felt foggy ... like I couldn't think about everything because it was just too much. Back then, I kept thinking I needed a day that I could just stay in bed and cry ... all day.

But that never happened. Life goes on. Too much to do. There just wasn't enough free time to devote an entire day to wallowing in my own grief. But that feeling is back today. I wish I could go home ... and go to bed.

Oh, I realize that it's just depression and that it will pass. But it's hard to sit at my desk and keep a bright face on ... when I literally can't concentrate on anything.

And if you want to find me I'll be out in the sandbox
Wondering where the hell all the love has gone.
Playing my guitar and building castles in the sun
And singing fun fun fun

Barenaked Ladies - Brian Wilson

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