Friday, September 05, 2008

Baked Cod My Big White Ass

I am the Amy Winehouse of food. Whereas she can't say no to crack, I apparently can't say no to junk food. Whereas Amy Winehouse fears someone posting a YouTube of her lighting a crack pipe, I fear someone posting a clip of me popping a Chicken McNugget down my gullet. I have danced with the devil in the pale moonlight ... and the devil's is a clown named Ronald.

And you know who I blame for my inglorious tumble off the health food wagon? Rachel Ray. That's right ... I'm pointing my finger at the Food Network's very own Tasmanian devil of the kitchen. Why? Here's the story ...

So we've been trying to eat healthier for awhile.  We decided to take the next step and expand our menu ... first try? Cod. It's mild ... low in calories ... high in protein ... how could you go wrong? Enter Rachel Ray. I found a recipe on the Food Network's website. It looked easy, sounded tasty, and had a rating of 4 1/2 out of 5 stars. How could Rachel's minions lead me astray, right?

On a scale of 1 to 10 ... ten being it tastes SO good that the gods themselves must've pooped it out .. and one being it tastes like you've been raped by an epicurean demon ... this shit was a two ... and I'm being GENEROUS!

It was so bad that after two bites, we decided to visit the Golden Arches in an attempt to wipe this abomination from our minds and the taste out of our mouths. Is it the lack of a distinguished pallet on our part? Perhaps. Maybe I'm just a red meat kind of girl.

So tomorrow we'll get back in the saddle again. Tomorrow is another day after all ... but I've learned my lesson and the last place I'll turn for advice when it comes to what goes in my stove ... is America's cooking sweetheart.

I ain't got the time
And if my Daddy thinks I'm fine
They tried to make me go to rehab
And I say no no no

Amy Winehouse - Rehab

P.S. - Where have I been for a month? Twittering! Or would that be Tweeting ... in any case ...