Tuesday, October 07, 2008

CafeMom Asks: Could You Change a Tire?

Over at CafeMom, one of this week's journal suggestions gave me a good laugh. The topic was, "Could You Change a Tire?"

If the devil himself were standing behind me holding a spare tire and a set of lug nuts, let me assure you that car would still not be moving. There is a reason I spring for the AAA membership each year ... and it's not because of the 10% discount at Amtrak.

There are a few things in life that are simply not going to happen ... and, hey, I've learned to accept this. For instance, I will never climb Mt. Everest. I'm not physically fit and the thought of doing that much walking, especially at that sort of incline, just doesn't appeal to me. And let's be frank ... I don't like to be cold ... not that I'd be climbing Mt. Everest if it were a temperate 75 degrees. No. Mountain climbing is definitely out.

Along the same lines, I will never be on Survivor. As soon as Jeff Probst dumped my ample ass out of a helicopter in the middle of nowhere, I would sit on the ground and cry ... until he took me to the nearest Outback Steakhouse. Now, Big Brother ... THAT I could do. Sit in a house for three months and gossip about other people? Oh hell yeah, sign me up. But drop me in Gabon and tell me to race my ass up a cliff so I can grab this key or raise that flag? Um ... again ... where's the nearest Outback?

Which brings us back to ... changing a tire. It's not that I don't want to change a tire. Really, I do. I believe I might be able to get a couple of lug nuts off before collapsing in a sweaty heap on the side of I-55. But, common ... what's the point? In the end, a vehicle of some sort is going to be coming ... whether it's a tow-truck or an ambulance ... I'm not leaving there of my own accord.

And ... since I'm not leaving there of my own accord ... how's a Bloomin' Onion sound?

I'm just sitting here
Watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go

John Lennon - Watching The Wheels