Monday, July 23, 2012

At Least The Ride Up Was Nice ...

 It's mind blowing to me how people find new and inventive ways to disappoint you.   I've given up having faith in humanity anymore ... because if someone can let you down ... trust me when I assure you that they will.

I like to think I'm a kind person ... giving of my time.  I try to go out of my way to make other people happy.   In fact, I've been told numerous times, "You need to learn how to say no."   But guess what?  The first time I decide to firmly say no ... then I'm being selfish.  The first time I say the words, "I need this for me ..." then all hell breaks loose.

I was extremely happy for awhile this weekend ... until everything fell apart.  Are we only allowed a certain amount of happiness?  It's as though you're alright until you reach a certain point ... after that, if someone sees you too happy, their subconscious goal is to knock you back down.   After all ... you're getting a divorce, aren't you?  How could you possibly be having a good time?

And that's fine.  I just got done this weekend explaining to someone that I had no expectations of people anymore ... if you let people in, they let you down.  And this incident proved my point.  I'm fine with being independent and taking care of myself ... but I can't lie ... it is lonely knowing there's no one else to lean on.   Dad's gone ... I can't ask him to run interference.   I no longer have a spouse ... so the bottom line is that when things get difficult ... it's only me.

So add another layer of skin to that onion ... and put up another wall.   Because "need to know" means just that ... telling only what they need to know ...

Take me for what I am  
Who I was meant to be  
And if you give a damn  
Take me baby or leave me

Rent - Take Me Or Leave Me