So ... I went to mass with my Mom on Saturday afternoon. As we walked in, I pulled my phone from my pocket out of habit, put it on silent, and stuck it back in my pocket. We chose a pew about mid-way down the aisle, genuflected, and took a seat. As I started to kneel down, my phone fell out of my coat pocket and hit the floor. I picked it up and layed it on the pew behind me. I prayed for all of about 30 seconds then sat down.
I picked up the phone just to check and saw that the screen wouldn't "wake up." It looked like I might've broken it. It's a smartphone with a touch screen and although the phone vibrated when you touched it as if it were working, the screen stayed black.
So, I popped the case off, took the back off, and pulled the battery out to reset it. I put it back together ... nothing. I started pulling everything apart again and my mom leaned over to ask what I was doing. I explain that I might've broken my phone ... and I start pulling the back off, pulling out the battery ... but this time I pull out the SIM card and let it all sit for about a minute.
I put it all back together ... and success. The phone worked. I was pretty pleased with myself ... and I gently laid it back on top of my coat to forgot about it. And so ... mass begins ...
We made it through the readings and the gospel. The priest had just finished his sermon and there was about a 3-5 minute silence while he walked back to the alter and started getting everything ready ... this is the moment before the organ kicks in with whatever song they're going to play. Everyone was sitting quietly ... when ...
A loud, clear, sexy voice rings out, "So scared of breaking it that you won't let it bend ... and I've wrote 200 letters I will never send ..."
When I took the battery out, it reset the phone, which turned the sound back on. Maroon 5 was playing for the entire, silent congregation. Now that isn't enough ... because my phone's volume is set to "graduated." So when you're picturing this scene in your head, it was more like ... "so scared of breaking it that you won't let it bend ... AND I'VE WROTE 200 LETTERS I WILL NEVER SEND ..."
Every head, including the priest's, rotated towards me like some scene out of "Silent Hill." I groanted to myself ... "Awwwww, shit ..." ... grabbed the phone and hit "dismiss" ...
For years, my Mom has been deaf in one ear ... so, to her, the ringtone wasn't very loud and she barely noticed. Meanwhile, the old women around me were giving me the stink eye as if I'd just been caught banging someone on the alter.
And through it all, all I could think was ...
... Thank GOD I didn't change my ringtone to "Rock Motherfucker" this morning like I'd planned.
And THAT, my friends ... was my Saturday night. Have a great week!
Mechanized head and a God named Zed
I keep telling you it's alright
A parallax view that you can't unscrew
When it all just get's so tight
I keep telling you it's alright
A parallax view that you can't unscrew
When it all just get's so tight
Rock motherfucker
Rock the motherfucker
Rock motherfucker, yeah
Rock motherfucker
Rock the motherfucker
Rock motherfucker, yeah
Chew it up - Spit it out
SICK BUBBLEGUM
Blow it up - Stick it out
SICK BUBBLEGUM
Tear it up - Push it down
SICK BUBBLEGUM
Shove it in - Rip it out
SICK BUBBLEGUM
Rob Zombie - Sick Bubblegum
