Monday, April 08, 2013

I Swear to God Everything Is Fine ...

If you should happen to see me today, I swear by all that is holy that I am not crying.  There is some sort of pollen in the air that is killing me. 

It may be because of the change in seasons ... or it may be because I spent time out in the country yesterday ... surrounded by fields and brush.  But for whatever reason, ever since I woke up, my eyes have leaked constantly.   I know they're puffy ... and red.   But I promise ... everything is fine.  I spent the better part of the morning dealing with friends and co-workers who want to take me aside and quietly ask, "Is everything okay?" or "Did something happen this weekend?"

Blerg ... it's SPRING people.  This happens.  Allergies.  I usually keep a box of Kleenex at arm's reach on my desk for this very reason.   My sniffling during the project planning meeting this morning does not mean that anyone died ... or that I had a fight with my "man friend."  (Although, note to future self ... do not watch Prometheus again.  And if you do ... deny it.)

Allergies are just a thing ... they just are.   So let me just assure everyone that I'm not weepy because of Saturday night's Doctor Who episode ... although it was emotional, wasn't it?   I'm also not weepy because Don Draper is cheating on yet another wife.  That man's treasure trail should be quarantined by the CDC.  He's a walking germ farm.  And I'm not weepy because I've gained five pounds.  Wait ... I take that back.  I am weepy over that five pounds.  Ugh ... why does it take one weekend to gain five pounds ... but a month to lose it?!  I hate calories ... every one of the white-cheddar bacon stuffed bastards ...

In any case ... if you see me dabbing at my eyes, I assure you it's because of ragweed or dust or some other allergen.  If it rains tonight, that should help ... hopefully tamp down some of the pollen.  But in the meantime, instead of offering me condolences or a "shoulder to cry on" ... try offering some Allegra.  I might take you up on that ...

Oooh, I hear laughter in the rain
Walking hand in hand with the one I love
Oooh, how I love the rainy days
And the happy way I feel inside

Neil Sedaka - Laughter in the Rain

No comments:

Post a Comment