I feel like the world's biggest moron. Fail doesn't even begin to describe my afternoon. I decided that my friend needed something from me. I didn't put anything in the casket ... I gave it a lot of thought but I couldn't think of anything that would be special just between us. So sitting here it hit me ... she needed a teddy bear. I had a pink one that would go nicely with a sprig of the purple flowers from her spray ... and I got in the car and drove over.
I live like two blocks from the cemetery. I was just there yesterday. But I couldn't find her. I went to the exact spot I thought we were ... and couldn't find anything. I kept walking all over this one area ... with no luck at all. Then I tried to trace my way back the way that Stoney and I drove out ... and all I kept doing is circling around back to the entrance. I kept thinking, "Help me find you ... I'm trying to get to you ... help me find you." But after the fourth or fifth time I found myself back at the main road, I just pulled over and cried.
I don't know if she doesn't want me to find her ... or if I'm just so messed up in the head that I can't figure it out. I thought I could see the street from where we were. I thought I knew where we were in relation to the monuments ... but I guess I was wrong. Stoney is sweet ... he offered to go with me this week and help me find her. I'll have to take him up on the offer because I have no idea where we were or where to go.
So ... wherever you are ... I'm sorry. I really tried. Don't give up on me ... I'll be back.
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you
And all the tears you cried, that called my name
And when you needed me I came through
Skid Row - I Remember You