Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Three Weeks ...

Twenty one days.  My best friend has been gone for three weeks today.  I can't say it feels like it happened yesterday ... because it doesn't.  It alternates between feeling like it happened last week ... and feeling like it happened months ago.

It's getting harder and harder to act like everything is fine with her husband.  I know that he is grieving.  He has to be.  I simply can't believe I live in a world where he isn't.  But he's moving on at a pace that is mind numbing.  He's ready to sell everything ... sell the house ... sell the vehicles ... move on and find someone new.   I didn't expect him to cover himself in ashes or sit Shiva ... but the happiness ... the happiness is wearing on me.

Mom warned me years and years ago that Dad would find someone new if she died ... and that I would have to learn to either accept this woman or lose Dad.   So I have a history when it comes to the whole "learn to accept the new relationship" model.  I know the options ... and I want to keep J as a friend.  So I'm going to have to deal with my grief on my own.

Tomorrow we're meeting to help him send thank you cards for the visitation and the funeral ... a task he has no interest in.  I'm so conflicted ... because on one hand I want to spend the evening with Stoney and First Wife ... but on the other hand I have to make it through the evening without crying or getting emotional ... which seems impossible given that we're filling out thank you cards to her pallbearers.

I hope she's there in spirit to give me strength ... and I kinda hope she slaps her husband in the head if she does stop by.

Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
I'll be missing you

Puff Daddy - I'll be Missing You

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