Friday, August 23, 2013

On Second Thought ... Never Mind ...

I had some free time today so I wrote a big long post.  I mean a novel-sized post.  It was all about things that happened in November of last year ... about finalizing the divorce ... packing up the house ... just how hard everything was in general.  Basically I just wrote it in response to the frustrations we're having with a friend who is refusing to work on moving ...

I think it was cathartic to get out at least a little of it.  I haven't written about that time .... for many, many reasons.  In the beginning, I didn't write about it because my ex was wasn't well.  His doctor thought maybe it was untreated bi-polar disorder ... but no matter what it was, he was delusional and things got scary for awhile.

On top of thinking black Cadillacs were following him ... and that the mayor's family was watching him ... and that Jesus was talking to him ... and that everyone was against him ... on top of all that, he wanted to sue everyone.   I was terribly conflicted because on one hand, coming here and getting it all out would've been wonderful.  On the other hand, I didn't want to agitate him and make things worse for me.

So ... fast forward to tonight.  I'm sitting here re-reading what I wrote earlier today.  And all I can think is ... what's the point?   The whole point of the post was to vent about how unfair it was that our friend is too lazy to pack ... while I packed my ex's stuff while I was sick as a dog.  And it's true ... it's not fair.

But in the end ... does it matter?   All the stuff I was mad about giving up?  I haven't missed a single thing.   All that time I spent packing while I was coughing and fevered?  It doesn't matter.  It didn't kill me.  So what if he wants to sit and mope instead of doing the right thing?  He'll be the one panicked and anxious when his closing date comes and he isn't ready.

I had a wonderful night last night with Stoney.  I was craving chicken wings ... and he let me make us some for dinner.  We listened to some music ... watched some television ... spent some quality time together.   So that's what I'm going to focus on ... and all that bitching?  Whatever ... it doesn't even matter ...

We're half way there
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer

Bon Jovi - Livin' On a Prayer

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