But instead of cleaning out the spare room or working on the basement, I'm binge-watching Breaking Bad ... and contemplating making homemade mashed potatoes and gravy. Stoney brought up country fried steak the other day and now all I can think about is making homemade gravy. Watching a series about addiction isn't helping!
I need to get a hold of Mini-Moose and see if she still wants to see a movie or grab something to eat tomorrow. I've been trying to talk to her for days and things keep popping up. First it was our friend talking about how he didn't want to live ... then it was a tree limb falling ... then it was a training school. Ugh! I miss you, Mini-Moose! I'll be writing you shortly!
1. Is it getting better, or do you feel the same? (from “One”) - It's getting better. Every single day.
2. Do you shiver when you dream? Is there a pounding in your heart? (from “You’re the Only One that’s Real”) - I used to have nightmares where I'd wake up screaming. I'd think someone was in the house ... or ... think I heard pounding on the front door. It was bad for awhile ... but for the most part those are gone. Every once in awhile something triggers me and I wake up thinking something insane is going on ... things I really don't want to think about because I wouldn't want to dream about them tonight. But it's better. Every day I'm a step further away.
3. Is the sweetest melody the one we haven’t heard? Is it true that perfect love drives out all fear? (from “I’ll Go Crazy if I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight”) - Does perfect love drive out all fear? That's asking far too much from another person. No ... perfect love doesn't drive out all fear. Nothing does that. But perfect love? It gives us bravery to stand up and deal with the fear.
4. Do you feel anything at all? (from “Miracle Drug”) - I feel ... a little restless? Which is really odd. It's not like I spend every day with Stoney ... but him being gone? I feel like I should be accomplishing something? And yet ... I'm watching Breaking Bad ... providing an insane amount of free therapy to J ... and dreaming of getting out my skillet. Making that roux ... with the flour and the butter ... slowly adding the milk and pepper. I'm telling you ... it's like gravy porn over here! What the hell am I still doing sitting here typing??
5. Do you feel loved? (from “Do You Feel Loved?”) - You know ... I think I do. For the longest time ... since you brought up fear earlier ... I was always worried. Did I say the wrong thing? Did I say something stupid? Well, I must feel loved now. Because now ... yeah, knowing me I probably did say something stupid. But that's alright ... he loves me anyway.
You're awake
If I were sleeping
What's at stake
A day without me
U2 - A Day Without Me
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