Through a series of unfortunate events, I had a little time to kill tonight ... and I decided to do a bit of shopping. I needed two things ... a pair of gloves and a folder of some sort to carry my hiring paperwork on Monday morning.
I went to Walgreens and asked if they carried gloves. The girl behind the counter pointed me in the general direction ... and off I happily went to hunt and gather. I found a pair that were touch sensitive for $6.99. They weren't perfect ... but they they would have to do. It looked like they were the best I was going to get ... so I started walking towards the office supply aisle.
And there ... in that aisle ... above the three ring binders and the spiral notebooks ... were four or five huge boxes of winter gloves. For $2.99, I could buy a cute pair of insulated, touch sensitive gloves. Success! Exactly what I was looking for! I just needed to find a different color besides gray ... and from the corner of the box, I caught a hint of something pink!
So, I reached up to try and bring down the box. Now pause this story ... I'm 5'2" tall. I pretty much have to reach up and bring down everything to my level ... so I didn't foresee a problem with my plan. That is ... until the box ... full of gloves ... fell on my head.
Cute, insulated gloves rained down on me by the dozens ... and the box landed in the aisle with a large, hollow "Thump!" I knelt down and quickly started picking up the gloves ... when one of the clerks came around the corner, saw my predicament, and knelt down to help me. When we had them all picked up, I was dying of embarrassment ... and I assured him I would scoot the box back on the top shelf by myself.
And when I did? Half of the box fell back on my head ... and the gloves that didn't hit my head? Hit various journals and notebooks on their way down. By this time the aisle is littered with two dozen pairs of gloves and a dozen assorted office supplies. The clerk was laughing ... but obviously becoming exasperated at the SNL routine that was playing out in his store.
He told me to go ... and, when I offered to help, he smiled and said, "No ... really ... it can only get worse from here. I've got this." I went to the front of the store, paid for my new pink gloves as quickly as humanly possible, and jogged back to my car before I caused the entire store to collapse in on itself.
I've never been known for being graceful ... but I fully expect to see the security footage of tonight's escapade on Tosh at some point. Look for me ... I'll be the short redhead covered in gloves.
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures
Alanis Morissett - Isn't It Ironic