It's hard to move from an environment where you are the expert ... into a job where you know absolutely nothing. I made two mistakes today ... nothing Earth shattering or catastrophic, mind you ... but terribly disheartening nonetheless. When I went to lunch, I felt like just sitting in my car and crying. I mulled it over all day ... wondering why I'm stressing so much over everything. I think I might have an insight ...
In my old job, I was special. Something wouldn't work? You came to me. I had people in other states calling to ask how to tweak this or that. I'd grown accustomed to people telling me all the time how good I was at my job. So here I am ... in the polar opposite situation. I'm a fast learner ... but no matter how quickly you pick something up, there's still a curve.
And part of it is me. I have issues. Whether it's at work or at home ... I don't like having to ask for help ... and I don't like admitting I don't know how to do something. I'm having to do this at least once an hour. It's wearing me down ... I was at my last job 23 years. I can't expect to be an expert at ANYTHING in one week ... but I hate making mistakes.
This is going to be a long road. Tonight I'm tired. My head is aching ... I'm queasy ... and I need a hot shower. Maybe I just need to go to bed ...
Into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
You're on my mind
Sleep alone tonight
Sending all my love
Along the wire
Journey - Faithfully