Well, today was my first day back in the office after being out sick Thursday and Friday. I was expecting to get the cold shoulder ... and I wasn't disappointed. I went four hours without anyone speaking a word to me ... not even my boss. When someone finally did speak, it was to say, "Did you print this?"
All day long ... just silence. At the end of the day, the one co-worker who would've been most affected by my absence sat with me to show me how to process an order after I asked for help. But that was the most interaction I had with anyone all day.
For awhile, I didn't care. For awhile, I was sad. For awhile, I was angry. I wanted to stand up and loudly announce, "Really? Are we in high school? For 48 hours last week, I had something coming out of every orifice. Did you really want me here in that condition?!"
I'm about to give up hope of clicking with this place. It isn't just this incident ... it's the whole culture. There's no warmth ... no friendliness. At least not in my area. It isn't just towards me ... it's everyone. If someone sneezes? No one says, "Bless you." I hear people in other areas laughing and talking now and then ... but my area is silent.
There are four women who sit in the back ... who, although they're on my team, have literally nothing to do with me. They say something to one another now and then ... but mainly, it's as if there's invisible brick wall. Last week, I heard the one near the window say, "I just had an order filled by ThirtyWhat. Who the hell is ThirtyWhat?!" The woman across from her said, "You know ... the new girl. She sits up there."
I'd worked there six weeks at that point. I'd gone to three team meetings with this woman. I sit probably 25 feet away from her desk. How disheartening is that?
I came to the conclusion today that I have to get through a year. I need health insurance ... and I want to hold on to my severance pay. So ... I need to just get through this year ... then I can decide what to do. Go back to the Feds? Apply at the State? I don't know. But I'd prefer someplace that doesn't feel like I'm sitting in a cone of silence all day.
Talk to me
You can talk to me
You can set your secrets free, baby
Stevie Nicks - Talk To Me