Saturday, December 28, 2013

Bed Cartography 101

You might have heard there is a war of the sexes going on ... and if you have, you heard right.  There is a war of the sexes ... only it isn't about equal rights or equal pay or what have you ... it's about bed space.

Women have a nasty reputation when it comes to sleeping quarters.  We're notorious bed hogs, blanket thieves, and the owners of unspeakably cold feet.  I'm not saying all of these stereotypes are true, necessarily ... but I can't, in all honesty, say that they aren't.

Stoney thinks the above image is an accurate representation of our sleeping situation.  I am here to tell you that this is not true.  I don't steal all the blankets ... or pillows ... or space.   I like to believe I am fairly well behaved when it comes to staying on my side ... but I will admit that every time I sleep over, I can count on Stoney waking up in the middle of the night mere seconds before he falls off the bed.  So far he is very sweet about the situation ... although we're still in the "being very sweet to one another" stage.  I suspect there will come a time when I will wake up to him saying, "Woman!  Scootch!"

I would think he would take this as a compliment ... that I want to be close to him?  That even though I consciously want to stay in my "zone," once I'm asleep my unconscious transforms me into a pilot bird ... wrapping my arms around his shoulders and my leg around his hip like a human backpack.  I've sang him The Carpenter's "Close To You" in the morning ... but it didn't impress him.

Part of the issue is his bed.  It's a perfectly fine bed ... don't get me wrong ... but it's a little small for two people.  We've talked about going and looking at king-sized beds together ... looking for one that we would both find comfy and roomy.  And while it will most definitely help the situation?  I can't guarantee that I won't feel him roll over and violate the peacekeeping buffer zone to steal some of his heat ... because I probably will.

Sigh ... who are we kidding?  Full, queen, or king-sized, I will more than likely be in his space ... spooning him ... and burgling his body heat.  He is so warm ... and I am so cold.  Bed cartography as a concept is unpleasant ... but oh so true ...

Why do birds
Suddenly appear
Every time
You are near
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you

The Carpenters - Close To You

1 comment:

  1. Idiots's Anonymous10:23 PM

    This is why you should convert the entire room into one giant bed. No edges to fall off of!