Monday, January 20, 2014

In Which I Prove I'm a Moron - Vol 4 ...

I've admitted to some hare-brained stunts here.  It's kind of a safe place to admit my bouts with  idiocracy.  So, I guess it's time to share another.

For the last month or so ... six weeks ... eight weeks maybe ... there's been a noise in my bedroom.  It was a click?  Maybe a chirp?  Very soft.  Every 25 seconds.  How do I know it was every 25 seconds?  Because I counted ... many ... many ... times.   I learned to ignore it for the most part ... learned to sleep through it.

It wasn't that I was lazy.  I tried many times to suss the problem out.  I stood in each corner of the bedroom listening for the click.   But every corner I stood in, it sounded as though the sound were coming from a different corner.  I would move to another corner and the sound wouldn't be there.  The sound wasn't moving ... as much as it was ... everywhere?

Over the last few weeks, I have unplugged and re-plugged almost everything in this room.  I reset the modem.  I unplugged my sewing machine.  I unplugged my shredder.  I replaced the power strip on one side of my bed ... then replaced the one on the other side.  For awhile, I thought the sound was coming from the Christmas presents I was storing in my bedroom.  But ... I moved them to the spare bedroom and was dismayed to find the clicking continued.

At one point, I convinced myself that it was an electrical problem ... that one of my outlets was "popping" ... and that it was inevitable that I was going to die in a fire.  More things got unplugged at that point ... just in case.

Last weekend, I stayed over at Stoney's house ... and as I was driving home, I couldn't help thinking about that click.  I'd been gone two days ... surely whatever was causing it had stopped, right?  I carried my bags upstairs and set them down, stood quietly and listened.

Chirp!  DAMMIT!

Tonight, I was driving home from work when it hit me.  I got home ... pulled a chair to the center of the room ... stood on it ... and listened.   There it was.   The smoke detector.   The smoke detector. Two months ... two months I've lived with that godforsaken sound.  Of course it was the smoke detector.  I'm either the world's biggest idiot ... or I have the patience of Job.

On the upside ... it's comforting to know I'll doze off tonight without the fear of dying in an electrical fire.  Small blessings, I suppose ...

Don't want to be an American idiot.
One nation controlled by the media.
Information age of hysteria.
It's calling out to idiot America.

Green Day - American Idiot

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