Friday, April 18, 2014

Groceries As Crack ...

Do you remember back in the 80's when we used to hear horror stories about the Soviet Union?  Remember how everything was supposedly rationed?   Remember hearing about people having to stand in line for hours to get a single roll of toilet paper?

I don't know if those stories were true ... but, even if they weren't, they still have an effect on me to this very day.

I used to hate shopping ... I hated it with the heat of a thousand suns.  Then, a couple years ago, I found out that, assuming I'm in the right frame of mind, I love shopping.   I love shoes ... love clothes ... love love love jewelry.  But my biggest guilty pleasure?  Grocery shopping.

I don't know if it's because of those old stories?  Maybe I lived in fear of growing up and having to stand in line a couple hours to buy toilet paper ... but I love grocery shopping.  Think about it.  When it comes to our pantries, we're like robber barons.  We're like the Vanderbilts.  Hell, we're like the fucking Lannisters!

Would you like milk?  Sure ... what kind?  Whole?  Two percent?  Skim?  Chocolate?  Strawberry?  Almond?  Soy?   What's for dinner?  How about beef?  What kind?  There's hamburger or a half dozen cuts of steak or another half dozen types of roast.  Hungry for breakfast?  Do you prefer ham or bacon or sausage?

Walking through a grocery store is the closest most of us will ever get to feeling rich ... to feeling like the world is our oyster and all we have to do is think of a thing for it to be ours.  There's an entire aisle dedicated to soda ... another aisle dedicate to bread.   It truly is an embarrassment of riches.

I ran to the market at lunch.  I wanted to pick up a couple odd things for this weekend ... we're having friends over for a game night ... and I genuinely thought it would be a fifteen minute trip.  I ended up spending nearly the entire hour walking aisle by aisle.  I'd see one thing and think ... "I could make that for breakfast tomorrow morning ..."  Then I'd see something else and think, "Hey, I could make that too!"

What started off as me going to Stoney's tonight with a roast and a box of strawberries has turned into an almost obscene amount of bags in the trunk of my car.   I have special rolls for tomorrow night ... french bread ... peaches and strawberries ... a peach pie ... various seasonings ... sugar and flour ... ugh.   I've missed cooking these last couple years.  Now it's like I walk into a grocery store and something just ... short circuits. 

I'm going to have to try to sneak some of it in while he sleeps tonight.  Surely he won't notice when he wakes up that his fridge is suddenly stuffed full.  Right?  Hmmmm .... is there such a thing as a grocery fairy? 

There is now ...

Food, glorious food!
Hot sausage and mustard!
While we're in the mood --
Cold jelly and custard!
Pease pudding and saveloys!
What next is the question?
Rich gentlemen have it, boys --

Oliver - Food Glorius Food

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