Thursday, May 08, 2014

Just One of Those Days ...

I had an exhausting day at work.   It was self-inflicted ... but that didn't make it any easier.

A group of managers were given the task of re-designing our review process.  They've juggled everything around ... switched percentages and levels ... and now work that was acceptable?  Is no longer nearly acceptable.

I'm in an enviable position.   Until I've been employed there for a year, the best I can achieve is "on track" ... meaning that I'm learning at an acceptable pace.  Normally this would be frustrating ... but given that they've now upped the requirements to a mind boggling level ... my newbie status is a godsend.

Early this morning, I looked up my quarterly productivity numbers.  It was disheartening.  Last quarter, if I weren't in "new employee" status, I would've been "meeting expectations" and very close to "exceeding expectations."  Now, with numbers better than last quarter, I will be in "needs improvement" territory.

It isn't that I'm not a hard worker, however, I'm not nearly as fast as my teammate.  And so, with that in mind, I decided to push harder.  I took more jobs.  I pulled documents faster.  I tried to treat each order as if it were a rush. 

And?  I did it.  I finished at least 25 more orders today than I normally do. 

But?   I ... am ... exhausted.

I skipped both breaks today ... barely wrote any e-mails ... and concentrated on nothing but the queue.  My brain is tired.  My back is achy.  My eyes hurt.

I could do this.   I could be successful.   But at this moment, the only thing I can think is ... fuck ... do I care?   Do I care enough to come home this tired every night?   I may feel different tomorrow ... but tonight I'm leaning towards a big ol' ... no.

PS ... Happy Football Christmas to all you football fans!
To the rest of us?  Um ... happy Thorsday?

Come on try a little, nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than in the middle
But me and Cinderella, we put it all together
We can drive it home with one headlight

The Wallflowers - One Headlight

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