Last summer, after we'd come home from his friend's wake ... the night before his funeral ... Stoney and I laid in bed listening to the "One Night Only for Terry Pace" concert that was streaming from the Shoals Theatre in Florance, Alabama.
We missed the first few minutes ... but we caught most of the music and it was an incredible show. I won't speak for Stoney ... but I listened to most of the show crying ... partially because it had been such a sad day ... and partially because the friend that had died loved this music and would've loved to have heard it.
Anyhow ... during the concert, Jason Isbell was talking about being in love ... being happy ... and why he stopped writing music for awhile.
"When I’m happy I don’t want to write a damn song … I want to keep on doing whatever it was that made me happy … I know it wasn’t writing a song."I share that particular anecdote with you because it explains why, in a nutshell, I haven't written anything since October 27th. After a year of almost writing a post daily, I haven't opened my laptop for nearly two weeks.
My mom complains because I'm not like my brother. If you knew him, you'd know how ironic ... and misguided ... this belief is. When he's sad or upset or down, his first thought is to drive back to Illinois and spend time with Mom. Conversely, when I'm sad or upset, I don't communicate. I shut down and just stay inside my head. Talking is the last thing I want to do.
However, Mom would be overjoyed to know that, when it comes to my blog, I am like my brother. After my separation, all I wanted to do was come here and write every day. My posts weren't anything brilliant or inspiring or even lucid some days ... but writing was an outlet. It made me feel better ... like I was accomplishing something in a world where I was accomplishing almost nothing ... where everything I'd come to depend on was crumbling to dust.
Now ... two years later ... that world is gone.
But, in its place, is a new, happy world that I didn't know existed. A world where the house is bright and sunny ... where friends stop by with their kids on Halloween ... where the house is full of laughter and friends for cookouts and game nights ... where I relax and watch Shameless while Stoney watches football with the guys.
I feel happy ... I feel loved ... and, as Jason Isbell said that night, I want to keep doing on doing whatever it is that makes me happy. I'll be better about the blog from now on ... hopefully. I've brought my laptop to Stoney's so there's no excuse not to pick it up and write something ...
Whether it's something worth reading? That is up for debate ...
We ain't leavin' this room
Til someone needs medical help
Or the magnolias bloom
It's cold in this house
And I ain't goin' out to chop wood
So cover me up and know you're enough
To use me for good
Jason Isbell - Cover Me Up