Thursday, February 05, 2015

Uncle ...


So I took the day off work yesterday ... one last gasping attempt to get my house ready to sell.   I feel defeated.  I feel like each attempt I make puts me further away from my goal.  Although I can give you a list of tasks I completed yesterday ... and every other day I've worked ... I still drove away feeling overwhelmed and upset.  I spent six hours at my house yesterday ... six hours ... and yet I still haven't been down in the basement.  Each task I do just seems to highlight all the tasks left to do

Yesterday's goal was to finish the second floor.  I think I came close.  I would like to say I accomplished the goal ... but after six hours, I hit a physical and emotional wall.

My bedroom and walk in closet are empty.  The bathroom is empty.  College One's bedroom is empty.  The twin's room ... sigh.  It's not.  I'm admitting that I need help.  People have offered and I've always said no ... but I surrender.  This is no longer something I can do on my own.

Upstairs I still have six or eight or ten electronic components (old VCRs, DVD players, speakers, etc.) that I need to carry downstairs and take to the recycling center.  I have three tubs of books for College One and a basket and tub for Miniature Moose ... items that I was simply too weak to carry downstairs.  I also have a large suitcase and three garbage bags ... each one full of clothes that I need to bring over here ... but I couldn't lift them.  Did I mention I was exhausted?

I called a shredding service yesterday.  I have one extremely large cardboard box full of old insurance forms ... it must weight several hundred pounds ... and a garbage bag full of cancelled checks, old bills, etc.   I was working on shredding them last week ... but I burned the motor out in my shredder.   So rather than risk using Stoney's equipment, I found a company willing to help.  For $35, they will come to my house, carry my papers to their truck, and shred everything in front of me.  The cost isn't much ... but it doesn't matter. It would be a bargain at any cost just to be rid of the whole mess.

A couple years ago, a good friend of mine (the mother of my two god-children) sat me down and told me, "There will come a point in your divorce when you will agree to anything just to make it end.  It won't be fair ... you'll be screwed over ... but you will agree to chewing off an arm if you can just make it all go away."

She was right.  

Come to find out, that philosophy applies to other situations ... like this house.  I just want it to be over.  It's a financial drain.  It's a physical drain.  It's mental torture.  I'm tired of driving home crying because I've pushed myself to the point of exhaustion. 

I'll be calling the garbage haulers soon ... I'm raising the white flag.

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why are you still standin' here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away
Just walk away
Just walk away

Kelly Clarkson - Just Walk Away

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