Friday, March 18, 2016

The Fat Girl Lives ...

So, I've discussed my lack of appetite, irony intended, ad nauseam ... and now I've discovered what's been missing.  Taste.  The taste has been gone.  I just didn't know it.

Oh, but I know it now.  Thank you, Prednisone ... you viscous, insatiable bitch.

About a week ago, I felt that familiar heaviness in my chest.  Breathing became difficult ... and within a few days, I felt like death warmed over.  Everything hurt.  Every bone and muscle.  And it felt like a gorilla was relaxing on my chest with the remote control.  A trip to prompt care confirmed that care was needed ... but it was just viral.  Therefore, no antibiotics were issued ... but a prescription for cough pearls was written along with a "burst dose" of Prenisone.

What that means ... you start high ... and immediately taper.  Three days of three pills ... three days of two pills ... three days of one pill.  And I can't lie ... it helped almost immediately.  Stoney took me in first thing in the morning and I barely felt like walking ... but by the afternoon, with three Prednisone in me, I was able to get up, take a shower ... even watch the Walking Dead.

Oh ... but there's a price.  There's a price in Prednisone.  First off there's the law of diminishing returns.  That burst I felt in the beginning was a little less the next day ... followed by less ... and less still.  Now I can't really say that I felt anything when I took today's two pills ... however, they warned not to stop taking it without the weaning steps.  But worse than the lack of improvement ... is the return with a vengeance of my appetite.

I'd forgotten the taste of food.  It's not just any food ... it's the same old favorite fat foods from thirty pounds ago.  It's the seasoning.  Monty's submarines ... that bread ... soaked with mayo and Italian dressing.  It's like some kind of heaven.  A Taco Gringo sancho tasted very close to ambrosia ... just ... unimaginably good.  Yesterday I chugged a large sized tart lemonade in less then ten minutes.  A week ago, that would've been unthinkable.  Not even physically possible.

In five days, I've gained four pounds.  Oh, and let me tell you ... it feels like it.  It's not like, "Oh, I didn't even notice!"  Sweet Christ, yes ... I've noticed.  My fingers are tight with fluid ... I feel ... swollen.  Too much fluid.  I took two water pills today ... and I'll continue to take extra this weekend.  But I won't be able to tell if it's helping for at least a day or two.

This is not catastrophic.  Tomorrow I'm down to one pill ... and that's only for three days.  So this will pass.  In fact, today I've made a conscious effort not to eat ... to drink water and to be aware of what I'm putting in my body.   But it's depressing ... to know that the dialysis nurse was right.  It's still there.  That unhealthy craving for taste ... seasoning ... fat ... salt.  

The kidney appetite issues made me weak ... but I can't lie.  It felt good not to have that constant almost unconscious thought, "What could I be eating now?"

Ridin' into town alone
By the light of the moon
I'm looking for ole' Sukie Jones
She crazy horse saloon
Barkeep gimme a drink
That's when she caught my eye
She turned to give me a wink
That'd make a grown man cry

Aerosmith - Back in the Saddle Again

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