Monday, October 31, 2016

Brave New World ...

It is has been one week.   We're living in a brave, new world, everyone.  And it's terrifying ... but it's also good.

I've had three dialysis treatments ... one immediately after I woke up from having a catheter placed under my collarbone.  The two following treatments were done at the center closest to our home.  The entire experience is a strange combination of feeling uncomfortable ... feeling bored ... feeling overwhelmingly anxious ... and, at the end of a treatment, feeling physically exhausted.

I've been used to feeling drained.  I've been living at various stages of exhaustion for the last half dozen years.  But this is ... different.  It's not the same.   And it's not bad per se.   Your mind is still active ... but your body feels as though you've been walking through jello for hours.

But overall, after three treatments, I think my mind is clearer.  My appetite hasn't really come back.   My thirst has slacked significantly ... and, in tandem, so has my urine output.   The weird new thing is a restlessness.  The nephrologist required a week off work to adjust to everything.  And during that week, there were moments ... and it was not constant, unfortunately ... but there were, and still are, moments when I feel like I need to do something.  I need to run the laundry ... I need to empty the dishwasher.  I need to make the bed.  I need to move.

That's a nice change of pace ... since before the dialysis, I could literally lay on top of the bed watching movies for hours without wanting to move a finger.   My body hurt before and laying down was the most comfortable position.   I never felt like I was getting stronger ... but I felt like I was treading water.  Just getting by.

Now ... I think I might be doing more than getting by.  Maybe.   The jury is still out.  We'll see how I feel at the end of this week ... after three more treatments and a week of work on top of it.

Speaking of work ... if anyone is still reading this, please cross your fingers or say a prayer or leave a gift for the great flying spaghetti monster.   I have to work out a new schedule with my employer ... and while it's a great place to work ... things are still ... iffy.   More on that when, and if, I know I have a job and won't be living on disability for the foreseeable future.

So three treatments down ... three thousand more to go.  Stoney is with me holding my hand ... and he gives me a reason to not give up ... he gives me a reason to fight.   Cause ... I just found him.   I want to smile and laugh and love and zurburt him for years and years to come. 

Three hours until the next treatment ... we can do this.

Without you in my life
I'd slowly wilt and die
But with you by my side
You're the reason I'm alive
But with you in my life
You're the reason I'm alive
But without you, without you ...

Motley Crue - Without You

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