Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Finally ... A Deep Breath ...

As we laboriously crawl towards December 31st, let's all close our eyes, take a deep breath, and proclaim that 2016 has been one ginormous shit show all the way around.

It started at the highest level ... and the fecal matter just kept rolling downhill.

We lost national treasures like Bowie and Prince and Rickman.  Trump was elected.  Illinois became more and more of a dumpster fire as Rautner and the Illinois congress refused to pass a budget.  And the marachino cherry on this dung heap of a sundae ... my kidneys finally failed and I'm going to hemo dialysis three times a week.

Last week, I finally felt like sitting on the floor in a corner and crying like a baby.

We took Stoney to the hospital at 5:15 a.m. Monday, the 5th, for bariatric surgery.  By Tuesday evening, I was huddled in a chair at the hospital ... in the same clothes I'd worn for two days straight ... hungry and thirsty and futilely trying to get my team leader to understand that, without super human strength, I could not work eight hours, get someone safely home from the hospital, and then complete four hours of dialysis.  I felt like sobbing.

I know it has to be a weakness of character.  People deal with far more stress every day.   But I was at the end of my rope.   Part of it was the stress of worrying about Stoney ... bariatric surgery is serious after all ... and I was beyond scared for him.  Part of it was sleeping on a rock hard recliner for two nights.  Part of it was hospital cafeteria food.   Part of it was worrying about my job.   Part of it was worrying about my heart catheter that was scheduled for the 12th.

Sure, they were all straws ... but they were straws on the back of a camel who already has two broken legs.

But I finally woke up this morning and felt like I'd reached the light at the end of the tunnel.  Yes, I realize that most of the time that just means a train is about to hit me square in my silly ass.  But I feel like I can take a full breath for the first time in days.

Stoney is doing amazingly well.  I just can't brag on him enough.   He's following his doctor's instructions to a tee ... walking and taking in the required fluids ... he looks so much stronger every single day.   It's not that I still don't worry about him ... but I can look at him now and see how much better he's doing.  He even felt well enough to go to a Christmas party last night for an hour or so.   He needed to get out of the house and everyone loved seeing him. 

In other news, my heart cath came back perfectly clear ... and Dr. Ahmed says I'm cleared for the transplant team.  I talked to the coordinator today and they're setting me up for my yearly review.   Dialysis isn't fun ... but we're moving closer and closer to being on the active transplant list.  And that's the goal.

I still have things to do ... I have to call the girls tonight and schedule our Christmas get together.   They asked me about it nailing a time down last Tuesday ... but, unfortunately, I was sitting in a hospital chair in the middle of having a small panic attack.  So they're my number one priority tonight.

And yes, I have to pick up a few last minute presents for Stoney's family ... and talk to Mom about finalizing our Christmas Eve plans ... but for the first time in a couple weeks, I feel like I'm on top of things.   Christmas isn't Christmas without a scoop of stress.  But I'll sit at dialysis tonight ... talk with the girls and maybe watch that new documentary on Netflix ... and everything will be alright.

Stoney is safe ... and I'm blessed.   Happy holidays, everyone ...

The party's on
The feelin's here
That only comes
This time of year
Simply having a wonderful Christmastime
Simply having a wonderful Christmastime

Paul McCartney & Wings - Wonderful Christmastime

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