Wednesday, January 04, 2017

That Thin Line ... Waaaaay Back There ...

I was raised with the concept ... "God doesn't give you more than you can handle."

Now do I logically believe that statement is true?  No.  I go back and forth on the whole subject of God ... and I'll tell you that, at the moment, I believe that if there is a God, he's an absentee landlord.  I want to believe there's a higher power of some sort ... I really do.  I'm just not sure how "hands on" he is.

In any case ...

Under that concept, I believe there really might be a reason why Jesus didn't give me children.  I just don't think I have the right personality for that kind of stress and worry. 

Now let's press pause ... yes, I worry about the girls.  And yes, there was stress now and then with them growing up.  But I know their mom ... and their mom's level of worry and stress is on a whole different level.   One time, when the twins were in high school, they were late driving back from an afternoon event in a city about 45 minutes away.  Their mom called asking if I'd heard from them ... I hadn't but assured her we'd stay in touch.  As the time ticked by, we continued to talk off and on ... and she became frantic.  I was calm ... certain they were on their way home.  I imagined that their cell phone had died ... that at worst they might have a flat tire ... but that, in general, things were fine.  Their mom, meanwhile, was in tears.

I love the girls so much I don't have words ... but I know their mother's love is boundless.

What does this have to do with the price of tea in China?

Stoney had bariatric surgery about a month ago.  He was doing amazingly well until Friday.  Please let me assure you all ... he's still doing amazing.  But he hit his first bump on Friday and got sick from something he ate.  Then he struggled over the weekend with different foods and with overall fatigue.  I've been so worried about him.  Worried he isn't eating enough.  Worried that he's going to get dehydrated.   I feel like some kind of old-world, Italian mother ...

Are you alright?
How are you feeling?
Are you hungry?
Do you want a Popsicle?
Are you drinking water like you're supposed to?
Do you want some pudding?
Did you take your vitamins?

I feel like there's a thin line between being concerned and annoying the shit out of someone ... and that line is way behind me.   It's hard to stop myself ... and my only consolation is that I ask him only one out of every three questions I have.

Maybe this is why Jesus didn't give me a baby.  There's a scene in Parenthood with Jason Robards and Steve Martin.  Jason Robards is talking about Steve Martin getting sick as a baby and how they didn't know if he would make it ... and how much he hated him for making him worry.  The end of that quote is ...

"You know, it’s not like that all ends when you’re eighteen, or twenty-one, or forty-one, or sixty-one. It never ends. There is no ‘end zone.’ You never cross the goal lines, spike the ball, and do your touchdown dance. Never.”

For what it's worth, I won't always have to be asking Stoney about vitamins and protein and water and Popsicles.   I won't have to ... but I probably still will.

Button up your overcoat
When the wind is free
Take good care of yourself
You belong to me!
Eat an apple every day
Get to bed by three
Oh, take good care of yourself
You belong to me!

Frank Sinatra - Button Up Your Overcoat

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