Hey, Baby ...

When I was young, I had a tendency to jump into things with both feet.  I was an adventurous soul ... which is a double-edged sword.  You have a lot of great stories to tell over drinks.  "... and THAT, my friends,  is how I ran Trent Reznor out of a bar in mid-town Manhattan!"  But you also have some dark things swimming around in your head that come up at the most inopportune times.

Everything we've done, both good and bad, builds us into the person we are today.  Each experiences adds another layer ... whether we want it to or not.  I feel like I have a thousand shiny, happy layers which has made me a happy, outgoing person overall.  But I've had things happen that made me deeply distrustful ... always inwardly cringing, expecting the other shoe to drop.  I was always an extrovert ... but honestly about five years ago, I became more introverted ... a little more suspicious ... and a lot more wary.

For two years now, Stoney and I have been planning on getting married.  We didn't have a date ... but he proposed with a ring and I always told people we were "working on it."  And I was.  In my head I was working towards getting comfortable with it.  It was never him.   He's always been a man you'd be lucky to get to marry.   It's just been me ... being scared.

See, I read this article years ago about how you shouldn't move into with someone until you've had a "knock-down drag out fight" ... so you'll have a glimpse at what the worst could be.  Well ... I drug my feet ... and we never had that fight ... and eventually I moved in anyway.   He proposed ... and I waited ... but we've never had that fight. 

This Christmas, we'll have been together five years ... and, while I know there have been times when I've irritated the piss out of him ... and, while I can't think of one off the top of my head, I'm sure he's irritated the piss out of me once or twice ... and I've kept waiting for the big bad to happen.  And it never did.

Nobody's perfect ... I can be lazy and messy at times ... Stoney can be pushy about said mess at times ... but I can't imagine anybody I'd rather spend my time with.   I love waking up on the weekends and going to find him ... I love going to sleep next to him ... I love cuddling in my spot ... I love laughing with him.  I still smile whenever my phone dings with a text from him.  He's my reason for doing for everything I do ... for hanging on when the cramping gets bad and the whole thing seems like more than I can bare.

He's been patiently waiting on me to be ready ... and I keep asking him, "Do you still want to marry me?" and he keeps surprising me and saying, "Yes."  

So let's do this, baby.   There's nothing that would make me happier ...

It's a beautiful night
We're looking for something dumb to do
Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you
Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you

Bruno Mars - Marry You