Tuesdays With ThirtyWhat ...

I'm not sure what would be better.  Having no talent at all ... or having just a little.

I've always been slightly talented.  Enough to be able to impress people now and then ... if nothing else just from the act of being creative rather than the item created.  However, and this is a big however, I have a lazy temperament that was never really interested in developing the glint of talent I had into something truly impressive.

What I'm saying ... there's never been a moment where I've thought ... "THERE ... that is the best (insert item) ever made!  Let's see someone make one better than that."   Because they can.  And they have. 

There's a scene in the first Star Wars prequel ... yes, yes, the prequels are a load of shit but just go with me on this one ... and in the scene Qui-Gon Jinn says, "There's always a bigger fish."

For some reason that stuck with me.

It doesn't matter how talented you are ... or how creative you are ... there is always a bigger fish.

If you can draw?  Someone can draw better.  If you play an instrument?  Someone can play better.  If you can crochet?  Someone else can crochet better.   And once you wrap your head around that, it allows an alarming level of, "Fuck it" to enter your psyche.

I suppose there are people like Davinci out there ... people who are so talented that they're above the rest of us mere mortals.  You could argue that someone has to be the biggest fish ... but I would argue there always new fish being born and each one has the potential of being the next king of the hill.  It's a very nihilistic way to think.

There's always those legends, whether real or not, about the kid who heard to play a certain guitar piece and made himself learn it ... only to find out there were originally two guitarists playing it.  The stories are probably apocryphal but it's based in the idea that the young will always find a way to shit gloriously on the accomplishments of the past.

I guess the point of this post ... if I were to do things over again, I would work harder at honing a talent ... probably art ... but art or music or craft or cooking or something.   My grandmother could paint ... her sister was a talented artist but, again, didn't do anything with it ... my cousin is extremely talented but quit her design job because of the stress and opened a high-end cake decorating business. 

The odd thing is that my grandmother had me ... and I couldn't have children and the line stopped.  Her sister didn't have children and the line stopped.  My cousin didn't have children and the line stopped.  I think if we'd continued passing the gene on, we probably would've eventually had someone in the family who was genuinely gifted.  But our family tree is stunted and I'm not sure who will carry that particular gift on.

Who knows ... maybe I'll be like Grandma Moses.   At some point money won't be an issue any more, I'll start taking art classes, and I'll be a little grey haired old woman painting countless canvases of corgi butts.  It's a nice thought ...

Starry starry night
Flaming flo'rs that brightly blaze

Swirling clouds in violet haze reflect in
Vincent's eyes of China blue.
Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain

Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's
Loving hand.

Don McLean - Vincent