Happy New Year ... Welcome 2019

So ... occasionally, I have a bad habit of moaning, "Ugh, I'm so poor ..." 

This outburst is always caused by something so mundane that it's laughable.   Something stupid like not having the extra money to go get a pedicure.   Or needing to eat in for a day or two instead of ordering a pizza some evening after work.  

I think back about the problems I used to face and the anxieties I used to have ... and I'm ashamed that I even think something like that ... let alone say it aloud.   So I can't get a pedicure this week?   So what?   Who fucking cares?

I don't have to live in a bad neighborhood knowing there's a basement door that won't lock in my house.   And trying to sleep ... just laying there listening for that noise from the basement that means that someone else found out that that door doesn't lock.

I don't have to get up early for work on cold winter mornings just so I can stand out in the snow and scrape ice off my car windshield.  

I don't have to worry when I wake up in the morning on a Saturday and my husband's car isn't in the garage.  I don't have to get anxious when I beat him home from work.  I don't have to cringe when his phone buzzes with a text message.

Looking at those things up there, I know I'm so lucky ... I know my blessings are so numerous it's actually overwhelming to think about.  

But time after time ... I show how flawed I am.  Christmas just passed ... and, once again, I complained about being tired while heading to the various Christmas parties with friends and co-workers ... and I complained about being sore after our third family Christmas get together.   I really need to work on this. I shouldn't complain ... I should be grateful that I have friends to see and family to visit.

So in 2019, I've already taken steps to try to be a better me. 

I went to a friend's birthday party after work last Thursday night.  I don't normally take people up on invites when it involves going out after work.  But I made an effort so I could be there for her ... also, to be honest, I just wanted to make myself get out more.   We also reached out to a friend who has a knitting/crocheting/quilting group who meets once a month and I'm going to start meeting with them soon.  It's baby steps but it's somewhere to start.

I'm going to try to drink at least one bottle of water a day ... and work up from there.  I drink a lot of soda and juice pouches and peach tea and lemonade ... pretty much anything that isn't water.  So that's on the list.   Also, Stoney bought me a yoga kit and mat last year that I never used ... I'm going to try doing that as well.  I talked with a friend of mine who teaches yoga and told her that I was scared to start because I get nauseous and out of breath when I bend over.  She said until the monster kidneys are out, just do the positions that don't bend at the waist ... or just do as much as is comfortable.  Again, baby steps.

Along with all the other small things on my phone, the big thing is just to keep letting Stoney know how much he means to me.  Every single day he does something small ... even things he doesn't realize he's doing ... that makes my heart joyful and peaceful and happy.   When I worry about something he listens and then helps me fix whatever is wrong.  When I was frustrated with Buckley when he was a puppy, Stoney would step in and clean up the mess or pick up whatever was broken or chewed to bits.  He's my love and my partner and my everything ... even my pookie.  That's a pretty great package all rolled into one!

So, in 2019 ... I'm going to try to be a better me ... a better wife ... a better friend.   I'll invite the girls out more ... invite my girlfriends out to do things ... accept invitations.   And most of all, I'll show more gratitude for what I have ... because honestly, life is beautiful.

Happy New Year, everyone!

The moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down

Thank U - Alanis Morissette