Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Ohhhhhhh ... the raaaaaaanch ...

Everyone give a shout-out to my friend Margie ... who pointed out to me the obvious connection between the "Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar RANCH" ... and the "Chicken RANCH" ... well, DUH! I'm not sure what should've been my first clue ... the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders ... or the PORN star eating chicken off a tree!

Pop Quiz

This revelation is:

a) Proof that Margie is a Mensa genius
b) Proof that I am a complete babbling idiot

Sorry, kids! Wrong answer. The correct answer is ...
c) All of the above!

On the same subject ... for strictly academic, scientific reasons ... I tried the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch last night. Keep in mind, it was only an experiment ... done for the good of humanity.  I'd never compulsively go out and buy fast food simply based on the recommendations of Darius Rucker disguised as a gay rodeo reject.

Yeah yeah yeah ... alright ... I'll admit it ... I practically begged my (ex-husband) to let me pick 'em up on the way home. But it wasn't my fault. I blame that fucking commercial ... for putting the idea in my head every fifteen minutes for the last two months!

In any case, I broke down and bought two ... one for me and one for my (ex-husband). My first impression ... before even taking a bite ... is that it's way overpriced. This sandwich, and any other sandwich created by man, would have to cause a spontaneous orgasm to be worth the $4.95 I paid.

So is it worth it? It's like any other chicken filet sandwich you've ever had. It's fried ... it's crispy ... it has bacon, cheddar, and ranch on it ... so at least the advertising isn't misleading. It isn't repulsive ... in fact, my husband gave it a five out of ten ... but it isn't fantastic either. It's just ... a chicken sandwich. I was really let down ... because frankly, I thought it'd be heaven on a bun. Go figure ... you live you learn. That's what I get for listening to Hootie.

The chicken ranch ... who knew???

And I want my money, I want my money back
Well, I know it's gone, I should move on but that don't change the fact
It just ain't right, no way, nobody oughta do somebody like that
So where's my money? I want my money back!

Sammy Kershaw - I Want My Money Back