Monday, April 11, 2005

My kingdom for a Whopper ...

In my heaven, you can eat anything you want, and not gain a pound. You're never far from a Long John Silver's and cherry Icee dispensers are on every corner. You can have a Croisandwich for breakfast, a Big Mac for lunch, and a Gondola for dinner and still look like Gwen Stefani ... on her best day!

Is it any wonder we're the fattest nation in the world? I'm trying to eat healthier ... but during prime time last night, three out of five commercials were for food. Do they have any idea how fucking maddening that is?

After just a couple hours watching television last night, I now know that Papa John's has a new Spicy Meatball Pizza, Burger King has some new Enormous Omelet Sandwich, and my life will change if I just try a Bacon Cheddar Melt from Arby's. Olive Garden is desperately trying to convince me that if I eat there, they'll treat me like family ... and frankly, based on some of the families I've known through the years, I don't know if that's something I'd advertise.

Logically, I can look at the facts and see the direction I should be headed in. After all, a medium apple has 81 calories but no fat ... and bananas have no fat, cholesterol or sodium. But if you gave me the choice of a Chicken Peg Leg or a banana ... that greasy strip of chickeny goodness is going to win every time.

I'm so fucking conflicted! I get to the point where I say, "Screw it! If they really want me to try Chicken Selects, who am I to argue?" There's a basic part of me who would rather stay fat and still get to enjoy fast food ... but then I flip to VH1 and watch Gwen Stefani's video for "Hollaback Girl" and I instantly hate my body again.

It's just not mentally healthy to live this way. If I'm in my thirties and it bothers me this much, it's no wonder that hundreds of teenage girls develop eating disorders each and every day. At this point in my life, I no longer obsess about what other people think of me ... after all, I like who I am ... but I still would rather die than wear a swim suit in front of anyone. So I don't even want to think about what junior high and high school girls go through every day.

Anyway, I'll still fight the good fight. I'm trying to eat better ... in fact, I bought a lot of fruit and healthy foods this weekend. I guess I'll see how it goes. I don't want my blog to turn into Three Fat Chicks ... not because I don't love them (because I do) ... but because nobody wants to read a stranger's daily calorie counts. It's boring and tedious. Just keep in mind that on days when my posts are hyper cranky ... it's just because I'm going through saturated fat withdrawals.

No fat, cholesterol or sodium, huh? Who knew ... the shit really is bananas ...

A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
Cause I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl

Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl