Monday, November 28, 2005

Fa La La La La

10 songs that sum up your weekend ... or were on your weekend playlist ... and one picture that relates back. (Oh, and if you feel like it, tell us why you picked the songs you did.)

To try and get myself into the spirit of the holidays, I spent most of the weekend listening to Christmas music. So, with that in mind, I'll share with you my ten favorite eclectic Christmas songs. Keep in mind that I am thirty something ... so some of these cuts are old, some are new, and some have words not meant for small ears. So basically I'm telling you right now, I'm not liable if your child dances through the house singing, "Holy shit, it's Christmas."

1. Elf's Lament - Barenaked Ladies - Currently my favorite holiday song. It's a clever tune about elf rights and our role in their labor disputes. Why aren't these guys more famous?

Boys and girls
Before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for
Whose been naughty or nice
But consider the price to an elf

2. Song of the Sleigh Bells - June Hutton - An oldie but a goodie from 1952. Hard to find ... but a classic. Has that Christmas sound.

Hear the horse's hoofbeats clatter
Cluck cluck cluck cluck
Listen to the bridles chatter
Chuck chuck chuck chuck
Hear the little harness bells play
Ding ding ding ding
Gaily like a music box they
Sing sing sing sing

3. Earl the Christmas Squirrel - The Moffats - One of my family's favorites. A little sugary perhaps ... but definitely a winner for those with small ones.

Earl the Christmas squirrel
Works form dawn till dusk,
Scurrying all around the world
Collecting Christmas nuts,
Walnuts, chestnuts, hazelnuts, peanuts,
And on his Hawaiian cruise
He goes nuts over coconuts
And macadamias too!

4. Holy Shit, It's Christmas! - Red Peters - definitely not a winner for those with small ones. A hilarious spoof of the chipmunk holiday songs. FYI, Godfrey is my favorite.

Santa comes just once a year
Just like you Red, that's what we hear
He's got a soft spot for reindeer
Especially Rudolph's derriere

5. Mele Kalikimaka - Bing Crosby - Not very original, I know ... but for me, this song brings back warm memories of Cousin Eddie on the diving board in a speedo. As Aunt Bethany would say, "Play Ball!"

Mele kalikimaka is the thing to say
On a bright Hawaiian Christmas day
ThatÂ’s the island greeting that we send to you
From the land where palm trees sway
Here we know that Christmas will be green and bright
The sun will shine by day and all the stars at night

6. Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses - One of my favorites of all time. Sure, it's because I'm an 80's baby ... but, hell, everybody's like that. I think that's why Mom doesn't think it's Christmas if she doesn't hear Elvis singing carols.

A&P has provided me
With the world's smallest turkey
Already in the oven, nice and hot
Oh damn! Guess what I forgot?

7. Do They Know It's Christmastime - Band Aid - What? What's that you say? Typical holiday tripe? Bite your tongue! It's not my fault that adult contemporary stations all over the nation ruined this song by playing it every 30 minutes.

It's Christmas time
There's no need to be afraid
At Christmastime
We let in light and we banish shade
And in our world of plenty
We can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world
At Christmastime

8. Tom Petty - It's Christmas Time Again - Alright, fine ... maybe I just like Tom Petty. But it's an upbeat song ... and it gets me through tasks like decorating and shopping and such. Think of it as aural Mt. Dew.

Long-distance relatives
Haven't seen'em in a long, long time
Yeah I kind of missed 'em
I just don't wanna kiss 'em, no
It's Christmas all over again, yeah again

9. It Must've Been Ol' Santa Claus - Harry Connick, Jr. - I dig Harry Connick, Jr. I have ever since the soundtrack from "When Harry Met Sally." This song has a cool stomp kinda beat to it ... plus it has that whole dream/not a dream aspect like the Polar Express. How deep.

When I woke up Christmas morning
It was clear and bright
My parents said my window
Had blown open in the night
I smiled as I told them
That it must've been the cat
And they asked me where I got my big red hat

10 - Christmas Time Is Here - Charlie Brown Christmas Special - Sure, Vince Guaraldi played it ... but we all know it's from Charlie Brown. Like my Mom and Elvis, this is the song I have to hear in order for Christmas to feel like Christmas.

Sleigh bells in the air
Beauty every where
Yuletide by the fireside
And joyful memories there

So there you go ... ten songs from my iPod Christmas playlist. And for the record, I could go the rest of my life without hearing "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" or "Jingle Bells" or that song with the little bastard singing about Santa getting stuck up in the chimney. Let's face it ... some holiday songs have been way over played ... and should be put out of their misery.


  1. You had some great Christmas tracks. I really love Elf's Lament!

    Thanks for playing.

  2. WHAT!?!?!?! How come the Jingle Cats weren't mentioned?? You KNOW they're your favorite.

    "Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow WOOF!"

  3. (Shudder) - I'd forgotten all about Jingle Cats.

    All Jingle Cats CDs should be taken out ... dipped in gasoline ... lit on fire ... then the ashes should be spread over a piece of Earth ... then that ground should be salted and cursed so that nothing will ever grow ... and, finally, a sign should be erected that reads, "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter" ... so that future generations can avoid all contact with or karma from the Jingle Cats.

    Yes, folks, THAT is how bad the Jingle Cats are. They are like the black plague of this century ... spread on the backs of rats and radio stations alike.

    Thanks, Step ... cause now that stupid song is stuck in my HEAD. Where's the power drill?

  4. Well, I can't come across a list of funny Christmas songs without making this recommendation: "Crothopus" by the band Crotchduster. Like the title implies, it's a long song that's not appropriate for children. The song as a whole isn't about Christmas, but there's a skit in it about an ultra-violent Christmas revenge movie. Imagine a movie trailer where two elves have the following conversation:

    "Hey Joe, when's the last time you got a raise?"
    "Fuckin' never!"
    "Me too. What do you say we kill Santa and ruin Christmas?"
    "Yeah! Cut his dick off and stick it in his ass!"

    The segment ends (after many more big laughs) with the velvet-voiced announcer proclaiming, "Santa's elves know you're kids haven't been good this year. Fuck your kids, and fuck you too! This movie has been rated G."

    Only about two of the song's 14 minutes relate to Christmas, so I'm not sure I can call it a Christmas song. However, anyone who has heard it (with the right sense of humor) can tell you that it's an instant holiday classic, and a surefire cure for a Jingle Bell Rock overdose. If you're interested in looking it up, it's on what I believe to be Crotchduster's only album, "Big Fat Box of Shit". It's offensive though (No kidding!), so don't say you weren't warned.

  5. BTW, that song title is supposed to be "Crotchopus". It's less damaging than a power drill but works just as well.