Thursday, January 26, 2006

A Crack In The Wall

Have you ever felt as though things are becoming overwhelming? Maybe it starts out small. A feather is practically weightless ... but a ton of feathers would crush you just as surely as a ton of bricks. That probably doesn't make a lot of sense ... but I'm tired.

For some reason, the weight of losing my dad has seemed unbearable lately. It could be that the holidays were hard ... or that my Mom and I got through her first birthday alone yesterday ... or that their anniversary and his birthday is coming soon. Why in the world can't I get these things out of my head?

Speaking of Mom, her breathing keeeps getting worse ... she's being tested for emphysema next week. I can't even think about that possibility. I can't even begin to imagine losing anyone else.

On top of those things, that pain on my lower left side has been back for a few days. I've been eating to make myself feel better and, of course, I've gained a few pounds back. Yeah, it's wrong to comfort yourself with food ... but it's hard to remember that when you just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for a few weeks.

And speaking of that ... I think I'm going to go lay down for awhile. Maybe things will look better when I wake up.

No good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That's my new creed
My road of good intentions
Led where such roads always lead

Wicked - No Good Deed