Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Just Kill Me Now

It's not that it's a bad life ... hell, hundreds of people eat healthy everyday. It's just hard to change your lifestyle. Changes, even subtle ones, can be disrupting.

So, one of my co-workers and I have decided to start walking around the building on break ... 15 minutes twice a day ... that's 30 minutes of walking total. This, in and of itself, is not a bad thing.

The problem is that we walk past an average of 50 desks during our "laps" ... and at least a half dozen people will have food sitting out every single day. I mean, it's not always the same people ... but you can bet your next paycheck that there'll be at least a handful of people offering cake, cookies, chips ... you name it.

There's a reason why people get fat working in office buildings. Sure, the sedentary lifestyle is a big part of it ... but another slice of that pie is ... well ... pie. And cakes and cookies and cheese cubes ... Jesus, you would think that I work at Food Network headquarters. Seriously, folks ... you wouldn't believe it. Every day, I hold my breath as we walk around each corner because there's a good chance that some Paula Deen wannabe is going to jump out and try to shove a potato pancake down my throat.

But, I'm still trying ... I'm down 7 pounds. To be honest, I don't even want to binge right now. I just want to lie down and doze off ... and hope that tonight while I sleep, these sadist women's kitchen appliances all break down simultaneously. I guess everybody needs something to hope for ...

And give me something to believe in
If there'’s a Lord above
And give me something to believe in
Oh, Lord arise

Poison - Something To Believe In


  1. I worked a 6-month temp job last year. On my last day my coworkers gave me a little party with cake and ice cream and sent me home with a huge box of chocolates and two full trays of cupcakes. I didn't have the heart to tell them I'm diabetic.

  2. OMIGOD ... I am SO sorry! What a craptastic way to say goodbye. "Nice working wit ya ... don't mind if we nudge you into a diabetic coma, do you?" LOL

    Maybe it's just the hunger ... but everyday, our walks feel like some sort of symbolic journey ... like being inside a very depressing Wizard of Oz ... which would make me a very fat Dorothy.

    We started our first "lap" at 9:55 a.m. today ... and before we'd rounded the first corner we hit a department-wide birthday party.

    We walked past a buffet table *filled* with cake, brownies, ham rolls ... and Godfather's pizza.

    Let that soak in a minute. It was 9:55 A.M. Just WHO the hell do you have to *know* to get a stack of Godfather's Pizzas delivered before 10 a.m.???

    I didn't not break ... I did not have any ... but it did put me in a pretty *pissy* mood all morning.