Sean Penn Is My God

Ever wonder what would cause a person to go from zero to bitch in six seconds flat? I don't know about anyone else, but I can tell you what does it for me.

I have a co-worker who thinks it's "endearing" to walk around the office snapping pictures of people on special days. Now, in my defense, her concept of special day could mean something as important as "so-and-so's retirement" ... or something as trivial as "national potato day." So because of this disparity, these photo events happen on a fairly regular basis.

I'm sorry ... maybe it's strange ... but I'm one of those people who do not enjoy having my picture taken. Now, if I'm prepared for it, that's one thing. But this whole, "let's run around the office and take candid shots of everyone" bullshit is getting on my nerves.

What totally sends me into stroke territory is that this person becomes pushy about the whole subject. If I nicely say, "Aw, thanks ... but I'd rather not have my picture taken" then your next step should be to just fucking walk away. Why become argumentative, hostile, or whiney? It only underscores the reasons why I don't want to be part of your ritual.

Okay, lemme give you an example. One time last year, this same co-worker ran through the office bossing everyone into going to the Board Room. She wanted to take a picture because it was bright day. No, I'm not kidding ... bright day. I told her I did not, in fact, feel bright ... and I was just going to skip it. She bitched, whined, and moaned ... and I dug my feet in. NO I was not participating.

So, later that day, I was ambushed. She came into the Board Room where, coincidentally, I'd started working on a project. She was goose-stepping a group of browbeaten stragglers ... while explaining how she'd rounded up all those employees who had either refused or, more accurately, hidden.

And, she continued, since I was already in the Board Room, why not just let her take my picture? [sigh]

Along with all the other pictures on the bulletin board, you'll now find two pictures from bright day. One is of a happy, tie-dyed wearing group of people all proudly displaying their bright, shining faces. The other is of a group of tense, angry people ...

Don't get me wrong ... I love the whole picture thing when it comes to my family. But when I'm at work, I'm here to work ... at least have the courtesy to ask before you start acting like a member of the paparazzi.

Kodachrome
They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the world's a sunny day, Oh yeah
I got a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph
So mama don't take my Kodachrome away

Paul Simon - Kodachrome
Note: After giving it some thought, I was afraid I came across as harsh. So, I want to give you yet another example of this employee's boorish behavior. About a month ago, on the first "nice" day of the Spring season, we all walked across the street to this pub and ordered lunch out in their beer garden. Of course, this co-worker pulls out her camera and says, "I have to get a picture of this ..." Picture of what? Our food? Give me a fucking break. So, I politely said, "I'm not into pictures ... you guys go ahead ... I'm gonna go to the bathroom."

I went inside and waited over fifteen minutes in the hopes she'd be done with her Annie Leibovitz fantasy. Nope ... no such luck. I walked outside and she gave this big dramatic sigh and said, "Finally, we've been waiting for you to come back so we can start taking pictures!" Okay, she knows this pisses me off. So, should I just assume at this point it's purely a power struggle? Or is she just a selfish, inconsiderate ass? You decide. Meanwhile, I've gotta go hide out in the bathroom ... she's starting in again ...