Thursday, July 06, 2006

We Have Seen The Antichrist ... And His Name Is Jace ...


Tonight was the culmination ... the pinnacle ... of bad television. Years of waiting have paid off ... because tonight we got to witness the spectacle that is ...

Big Brother - All Stars

The premise, for you uninitiated out there, is simply this. Last week, CBS hauled out twenty boobs from the last six Big Brother seasons for public humiliation and judgment.

America was invited to vote on which eight contestants we wanted in the house ... and America has spoken. The other six spots were filled by contestants that network executives chose themselves ... and, as I suspected, they've proven that crack is served at the CBS commissary.

The good news ... Cowboy's illiterate, homely, snaggly toothed ass was not invited back. Which means the ass beatings have been suspended ... for now.

The bad news? Satan's only son, Jace, was not only given a key ... but he's the first freakin head of household. What kind of evil voodoo is that?

In any case ... here's the list of the good ... the bad ... and the butt ugly ...

Alison - Chosen by CBS
Danielle - Chosen by CBS
Diane - Voted In By America
Erica - Voted In By America
(Chicken) George - Chosen by CBS
Howie - Voted In By America
James - Voted In By America
Janelle - Voted In By America
Jase - Voted In By America
Kaysar - Voted In By America
Marcelles - Chosen By CBS
Mike (Boogie) - Chosen By CBS
Nakomis - Voted In By America
(Dr.) Will - Chosen By CBS

Why in the world CBS would choose Mike "Booger" Boogie over Bunky, I'll never know. I also would've chosen Monica over Alison ... but then again, I would've chosen Rudolph Hess over Alison. That's okay though ... because, as Earl has taught us, karma is a cruel bitch ... and Alison was one of the first two nominees for eviction. And, with any luck, her reality-tv-show-whoring ass will be out on the pavement in one short week.

So come on, people ... ride the snake. You know you want to. Visit CBS for more info!

Well, I coulda been an actor
But I wound up here
I just have to look good
I dont have to be clear
Come and whisper in my ear
Give us dirty laundry

Don Henley - Dirty Laundry

5 comments:

  1. Idiot's Anonymous1:58 AM

    Oh goodness. Just when we start to forget, CBS has to REEL us back in. I'm glad about a few choices, a few I'm pissed about, and a few has made me think "WTF!?"
    here are my two cents (unless they get rid of the penny. Then I have nothing. Thanks a lot.)

    *Alison: HATED. GOD! She's been on HOW many shows now? GET OFF OF MY TV, HOE-BAG!

    *Danielle: Ok... so CBS chose her, whoop-dee-do. Word to the wise: Don't stir crap up until at least the 3rd/4th week. Trust me, you'll survive longer that way.

    *Diane: Wait, let me get this straight... America chose HER!? GRRRR. I HATED HATED HATED her in season 5, but I'm too busy hating Allison and Dr. Will to care right now.

    *Erica: Well... they HAD to vote for 3 women... She's on my "don't care list."

    *Chicken George: Wait... America DIDN'T choose him?? Oh well. He's not really doing much, except for getting "killed" by Erica.

    *Howie: Hurrah for Hurricane Howie! Woo! I wonder who the next "Busto" is going to be... Perhaps Allison.

    *James: I forgot he was on the ballot.. (oops!) I'm probably the only one who liked him in BB6. He's a smart little cookie. And last year about lying about his job? I'd lie too. Trust me. Being in Loss Prevention at a store is NOT COOL.

    *Janelle: YAY! It's funny how the "hoe-bags" think that Janelle is a major "hoe-bag." Did they even WATCH last season? Hahaha. I hope she does well. "Bye Bye BIIIIITCHES!!!" hahaha. She's awesome.

    *Jase: Ugh. Just when I thought my homestate COULDN'T get any worse... America just HAD to vote this donkey in. But I do admit... He's better than Dr. Will this season. I don't know. He's not being as much of a retard this season...

    *Kaysar: WHAT UP KAAAYSAR!! I'm glad he's in. However, he hasn't done much this first episode. Hope he does well, dispite everyone wanting him out. Hmmm... reminds me of LAST season...

    *Marcelles: NOOOOOO!!!!! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND HOST THE BB TALK SHOW!!!! NOW! Am I the only one who's sick of his smugness? The whole "I'm a happy black man" thing was just.. wrong.

    *Mike (Boogie): They're kidding, right? They chose HIM over BUNKY? They chose HIM over someone MORE deserving!? (Even Evilette deserved to be in the house more than him. In fact, CRAPPY deserves to be in the house more than this science experiment gone wrong.) GRRRR!!!! F* THIS! I HATE YOU CBS, I HATE YOU!!!!!!!

    *Nakomis: The CREATOR of the "6 finger plan" is back! Woo! I hope she aligns with the 6 season crew. A smart girl like Nakomis is a dangerous foe.

    *(Dr.) Will: And I thought FOR SURE that he'd be chosen by America and Jase would be chosen by the crackheads at CBS. I was wrong. However, I've begun to HATE him more than Jase. GRRR! Evil Dr. Will has become and ASS. And just when I was hoping that Will and Kaysar would be a great team, Will has to go and want him out first. He just irks me now. Also, the whole "I deserve to be nominated" thing is really, really stupid. What happened to the suave guy you wanted to hate but couldn't from season 2? I think Will has either an eviler twin brother or the brain-worms.

    Alas, I was hoping for a better cast, but the CBS gods hath spoken. I wish they had more season 1 peeps on the show. Or even that damned mime, just to piss Allison off. And I'm still waiting for the dogs from hell.

    As a closing note, I can only say this:

    If they decide to add a "twist" to the Veto, then what do you think they'd do? What do you WANT them to do?

    Personally, I think that there should be a co-veto. They both must decide how to use the veto. If they don't agree, then BOTH of their asses are nominated. Or a negative veto. Whoever wins is automatically nominated. I can see it now. It's in a concealed box every competition. If the veto is gold, then it's a regular veto and everything is all ducky. But if it's red, then it's time for the Negative Veto! Woo. I should send this crap to CBS. I'm sure they'd buy it.

    Well, here's to another season. Cheers!

    ~Idiot's Anonymous

    PS: You should change the title. The antichrist's name is ALISON.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sure, I've watched this junk since Season 1 - it keeps getting worse every single season, but I keep coming back. I have managed to avoid paying for the cams though, since posters on all the forums sum them up pretty well and confirm that they are heavily censored anyway.

    First, let me say that I hate how they've bastardized the original format of the show, taking the vote away from the public - thereby turning the housemates into backstabbing, alliance-building jackasses from the time they step into the house. The UK version still follows the original format, and still looks and feels very similar to S1 of the US BB. Yes, sadly I follow the UK version too...and it has been much better than the US version over the past 3-4 seasons.

    Oh, and how embarrassing that the representative of Central Illinois in the BB House is Jace. Ugh.

    I'm locked in though...and rooting for Kaysar - but I wish Eddie or Brittany from S1 had been included. Chicken George has no chance.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Maybe you can't share, Matthew ... but do you download the UK BB episodes? Or does the BBC channel on Insight's digital lineup carry it? I'm only asking cause it sounds pretty cool. I wish I was watching the Australian version ... according to the news, they've got a bunch of drama going on down there.

    I totally agree ... they should've never taken the voting out of America's hands. Now that they control their own fate, the show is just an air conditioned version of Survivor.

    I thought we were the only ones in the world who liked BB Season 1 ... so I can't tell you how comforting it is to hear that somebody else enjoyed it. I was rooting for Britney or Eddie to be included ... but according to the gossip online, neither one was even asked.

    And, the general consensus on the feeds from all the housemates is that Chicken George is "out of his league" ... they treat him like crap and I'm sure he'll be home fairly soon.

    As far as Jace goes ... you wouldn't believe this if I told you ... but Jace is not a total asshat this year. Maybe it just comes from watching the live feeds ...

    I was writing earlier that the downside to the feeds is that CBS isn't editing any storylines ... so the people you THOUGHT were great? They're awful ... and the people you THOUGHT were awful? They're just playing up to the diary room cameras.

    Howie though ... he's not playing ... that guy is just unscrewed ...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I get the UK version over bitTorrent using TorrentSpy.com. I actually subscribe to the RSS feed of a search for 'Big Brother' so I get the new episodes as soon as they're available. Just like Season 1 of the US version, they do 5 update shows per week, so there's a lot of eps to download. Sometimes I just checkout the message boards and decide which eps are good enough to download.

    I enjoy watching Howie for some reason, especially knowing that he's not putting on an act. He went a little overboard in S6 with the whole 'Busto' thing, but he seems like a semi-likeable goofball.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I haven't had time to watch the feeds in the last 48 hours or so ... but it sounds like he's found his new "Busto" ...

    God, no ... for a mere $15 I've learnd that Howie's not acting. That's really Howie. And that's both entertaining ... and a little disturbing. He's fast becoming my favorite ... he's been the most entertaining hamster so far this season ...

    ReplyDelete