Tonight was the culmination ... the pinnacle ... of bad television. Years of waiting have paid off ... because tonight we got to witness the spectacle that is ...
The premise, for you uninitiated out there, is simply this. Last week, CBS hauled out twenty boobs from the last six Big Brother seasons for public humiliation and judgment.
America was invited to vote on which eight contestants we wanted in the house ... and America has spoken. The other six spots were filled by contestants that network executives chose themselves ... and, as I suspected, they've proven that crack is served at the CBS commissary.
The good news ... Cowboy's illiterate, homely, snaggly toothed ass was not invited back. Which means the ass beatings have been suspended ... for now.
The bad news? Satan's only son, Jace, was not only given a key ... but he's the first freakin head of household. What kind of evil voodoo is that?
In any case ... here's the list of the good ... the bad ... and the butt ugly ...
Danielle - Chosen by CBS
Diane - Voted In By America
Erica - Voted In By America
(Chicken) George - Chosen by CBS
Howie - Voted In By America
James - Voted In By America
Janelle - Voted In By America
Jase - Voted In By America
Kaysar - Voted In By America
Marcelles - Chosen By CBS
Mike (Boogie) - Chosen By CBS
Nakomis - Voted In By America
(Dr.) Will - Chosen By CBS
Why in the world CBS would choose Mike "Booger" Boogie over Bunky, I'll never know. I also would've chosen Monica over Alison ... but then again, I would've chosen Rudolph Hess over Alison. That's okay though ... because, as Earl has taught us, karma is a cruel bitch ... and Alison was one of the first two nominees for eviction. And, with any luck, her reality-tv-show-whoring ass will be out on the pavement in one short week.
So come on, people ... ride the snake. You know you want to. Visit CBS for more info!
But I wound up here
I just have to look good
I dont have to be clear
Come and whisper in my ear
Give us dirty laundry
Don Henley - Dirty Laundry