Thursday, July 27, 2006

Worst ... Answers ... Ever ...

Matthew over at Unspelled scooped us all by posting a link to this year's Illinois Times Best of Springfield poll. That is so cool ... because I never know about this thing until it's over. Each year, I walk past the stand at work and see the headline, "Springfield's BEST!" And each year, I pick one up thinking, "DAMN! I missed voting again."

So I clicked on the link to vote ... and quickly realized that I'm the biggest loser in Springfield ... if not the planet Earth. "Best Bartender?" Wow ... I haven't had a drink in years. "Best Italian Restaurant?" Um ... Olive Garden? "Best Hairdresser?" Uh ... who's that chick I go to at Custom Cuts again?

Seriously ... I never realized how tragically un-hip I am until I tried to fill out that survey. For instance, I have no idea who runs the best candy store in town. I tend to pick up my Shocktarts at Walgreens ... but I have been known to grab my sugar fix at Shell now and then. I'm also relatively sure the Illinois Times did not want me answering "Taco Bell" on the Mexican restaurant issue.

So ... for those of us who are not on the cutting edge of haute cuisine ... I'd like to add a few questions of my own:

Chain restaurant With Shortest Wait Time
Gas Station Whose Receipt Printer Is Never Out of Paper
McDonalds With The Friendliest Employees
Video Store With The Most New Releases In Stock
Walmart Cashier Who's Least Likely To Go Postal

It's not like I'm living in a van down by the river or anything ... but seriously. Augie's? I'm sure it's a great place ... but Red Lobster has these amazing cheddar biscuits ...

Yeah, an' I like my women just a little on the trashy side
When they wear their clothes too tight and their hair is dyed
Too much lipstick and too much rouge
Gets me excited, leaves me feeling confused
An' I like my women just a little on the trashy side

Confederate Railroad - Trashy Women


  1. Funny stuff. I love your category for:

    Gas Station Whose Receipt Printer Is Never Out of Paper

    Is there such a thing? These are the categories that really matter.


  2. I don't think of myself as a negative person ... but I must be. Because I think we need to convince Sangamon Star to do the "Mirror Universe" version of this poll ... "Springfield's Worst."

    So some of the questions would be similar to IT's such as:

    Worst Bartender
    Worst Hairdresser
    Worst Italian Restaurant

    BUT ... then we'd add in extra ones of our own like:

    Gas Station Whose Receipt Printer Is ALWAYS Out Of Paper or Worst Intersection or Biggest Ass - Politician Category.

    Just something to think about ...

  3. That's a great idea. I'd love to see a "Mirror Universe" poll. In a lot of ways, I'd like that better than this gushy lovefest we call the "Best of Springfield."

  4. Don't you just love that whole "Mirror Universe" thing? First it was the whole Star Trek evil Kirk thing ... but my favorite of all time is Flexo on Futurama. Flexo rocks.

    Does anybody know if there would be any legal issues from having a Worst of Springfield?

    I've got a couple great ideas for catagories like ... worst intersection ...

  5. I do love mirror image stuff. There was a comic book I read when I was growing up called "What if . . ." Each issue was about what would have happened if something had been different in the Marvel comics universe. Like, for example, what if Spider-man had never met Mary Jane Watson. Long story short, without her support, he ended up using his powers for evil. Great stuff, there.

    I don't know if there are legal issues involved with labelling things "worst" or not. Certainly some hurt feelings would come into play, though.

    I'd love to see a local blogger take this idea and run with it. It could be a premise for an entire blog.