I'm alive. Naw, better than just being alive ... I think I'm actually thriving. Some things were much easier than I expected ... like steps. Some things were (and still are) unimaginably harder ... like gas pain.
I'm apparently running two days behind (haha ... pun intended ... keep reading) from where I was supposed to be up at Memorial. The surgery was Wednesday morning ... and that evening we tried, quite unsuccessfully, to get me up on the side of the bed. It was a morphine issue ... but we'll talk more about that later. And besides, Thursday morning I was up and I walked a total of six times that day ... all in a futile attempt to "wake up the plumbing."
Well, no amount of walking was going to get the job done. The nurses heard gurgling ... but nothing else. So Friday night, they conceded that the gurgling was a good enough sign to let me come home. I learned two things on Saturday afternoon ...
1. Contrary to what you might learn through Ren & Stimpy, gas is not funny ... it is painful. Surprisingly painful.
2. There may actually be a moment in your life when you will utter the words, "Hey, everybody! That was me! Did you hear that?"
I guess overall I learned that, when a procedure like this is performed, there's no modesty left ... no privacy ... no since of inner dignity. You just roll with the punches and learn to say things like, "Why, sure, nurse. You can look at the incision ... just lift that ol' gown up ..."
I also learned that I have the most amazing family in the world. If I don't tell them enough ... thank you for each and everything you do.
The silver lining in the whole experience? For the first ... and dare I say only time in my life ... I got to feel like Britney Spears.
In fact, its a gas!
But its all right
I'm jumpin jack flash
Its a gas! gas! gas!
Rolling Stones - Jumpin Jack Flash